Go To Bed

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I managed to escape to the shower soon after my altercation with my father. He had seemed to be out of things to say, we had gotten into a few more smaller scale arguments after the initial battle, but it was nowhere near as bad. It was mostly about Aella. He spoke about how I was going to be able to raise her and keep her from doing the same thing I did. He also wanted to know if I would be training her. The fact that I told him no really angered him. He calmed down when I explained that she'll know how to fight and shoot but I won't be raising her in a boot-camp like he did us.

He was still royally pissed at me, that I could tell, but he seemed like he was in shock. It wasn't something that I was used to seeing on him, maybe in my time away from him, he calmed down a bit. He refused to talk about my suicidal episodes and treated them like they didn't happen, but at the same time he stopped yelling at me for running away. He seemed to be somewhat happy that I was still living.

The hot water felt great against my skin and I was feeling a little better, getting my feelings about Dad off my chest to his face lifted a weight off my shoulders. I still had a little bit of impending dread for when Dean came. While I had felt anger towards my father, I felt complete and other guilt towards Dean. He had always tried to be there for me, he tried to make me laugh and feel better and if I could redo everything, I would have left a note to him and Sam. Dad made it very clear that he would be calling him soon, he wasn't playing the same game that Sam agreed to.

Aella was fast asleep when I went into the bedroom to try and avoid the tension in the living room. She was sleeping on her back with her little chubby arms up over her head. She seemed to sleep better during the day, I was going to have to figure out the best way to flip that with the night time. I would rather her sleep like this at night. Then again, my nightmares could be the thing that has been keeping her up with Spencer and I.

When I got out, I rewrapped the bandage around my arm and got dressed. I tore a brush through my hair and attempted to rub the bags out from under my eyes like they were dirt. But they weren't so it didn't come off. What I really wanted to do was go to sleep, but at the same time I knew that sleeping would bring the nightmares so decided against it. Not to mention, Dad would probably wake my ass up.

Aella wasn't in her crib when I moved into the bedroom and I had a second of panic. Only to find her with Dad in the living room. She was awake now, just chilling in my father's arms.

"I think she's hungry." Dad said after he noticed me. I nodded, still a little shocked at the sight. I hadn't ever seen dad hold a baby. It was a little weird. Over the last five years when I would think about Dad, I thought about the training, the drunken nights I tried to sleep through his babble about the thing that killed mom. I thought about his constant battles with Sam about hunting and how Sam would rather focus on schooling, or him treating Dean like he was nothing but a lower ranking cadet in his trope and Dean just going along with it. So, seeing him gently holding a newborn on my couch was ludicrous to me. "Where's her father?" He asked as I brought a bottle into the living room.

"He's at work." I said shortly. "Pretty sure he's going to have to leave town, they called him in early this morning." Aella transferred to my arms easily.

"What does he do?"

"Would have thought you would know, you've been in town more than enough time to figure everything out."

"I avoided the hospital and this apartment isn't in your name. All I could find was that you were enrolled in college at the local university, I didn't have time to get all your files from there before now." I would have thought that my smart-ass response would have pissed him off, but it didn't.

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