Light and Darkness⭐

Chapter 4

The next morning I'm sitting at the dining table with Roger, Carolyn, Elizabeth, David, and Barnabas. I eat nothing because I'm almost not hungry. From time to time, I'm sipping my water glass.
"What's wrong with you?" Carolyn asks me flippantly.
"I'm just not very hungry this morning." I answer shortly.
Victoria enters the room and sits quietly in her seat. Barnabas gives her a quick look. This is followed by silence. I'm just starting to sip my water glass again when Elizabeth starts talking.
"Did you ever think about children, Barnabas?" I immediately swallow and start coughing.
"Everything okay, Julia?" Ask me Barnabs with a -Non that can not be- He asks me with a worried undertone! I'm just nodding and coughing a few more times. Then I calm down again.
"Again, to come back to your question, Elizabeth, of course, I have thought about this subject before, I would like to have one or two children, but until now I did not have the right woman." At the last words he glances at Vici. At that moment something inside of me is breaking. What kind of a feeling is this? Is it perhaps to blame for destroying Barnabas' future with Victoria? What is that for a feeling?
"I wanted to organize a ball because Collins always had the biggest and best balls." He went even more into the subject and moved to the next one.
"Today you do not organize balls anymore but happenings." Carolyn answered uninterestedly.
"Well then let's make the best happenings in the city."
"With Alice Cooper." Carolyn says.
"Who or what this Alice Cooper is, I'll organize it."

The next day I just avoided Barnabas. In the evening, just before the happening starts, I am now standing in front of my wardrobe and despair. Great! None of my "normal" clothes suits me more. I mean, one outfit was perfect for me two weeks ago. If I keep going fat like the milk while cooking, then nothing will fit me in a month. Why do I have to be twins?
Finally, I have found a dress that I like and not necessarily make me look like a pressed sausage. I'm still working on my make up and comb my orange hair.
Then I go down, there are already some guests there and dance. Alice Cooper is on stage as requested by Carolyn. I run down and go to the drink stand. There I order from the bartender for the first time a still water.
Then I walk to a cozy sitting area, sit down, listen to the music and sip my glass occasionally. For me, there are definitely too many people in a room. After three songs I decide to take some fresh air on the balcony. I walk, hopefully unseen on the south balcony. I look at the moon as it stands bright in the sky, so carefree and light...
What will my future look like? I mean, in only a few months, I will take care of my children. I'll have my own kids soon! It's funny how crazy life sometimes plays with one ...
"Good evening Dr Hofman." I turn around quickly and- oh god no! BARNABAS !!
"Hello." I say uncertainly.
"What are you doing out here?" Is he starting a small talk or something?
"It was just too many people and it was too stuffy for me." Silence. "Not that you think the happening would not be good." I add.
"You only drink water?" He notes now.
"Yes, should happen before." I answer more annoyed than I wanted.
"That was by no means a reproach, I can only remember that in the first weeks of my presence you were not even completely clear in your mind."
"Yeah." Come on Julia, be a bit more casual! Er
"May I ask you a question?"
"Okay..." What does he want to know now?
"Why did you drink so much?"
"Ehm ..." I am silent. "It relieves pain from a loss, alcohol quickly gets into the blood and makes you think about other Things quickly." I'll explain it succinctly.
"A loss? Is someone you loved dead?"
"My sister Vanessa, we've always been very close to each other, she's been my best friend in many times, of course, we did not meet so often during my studies, and most of the time I worked in the hospital and she had a full time job, so we had a big fight, then she moved out, left, disappeared, and I have never seen her since. "A tear escapes from my left eye. Quickly I avoid Baranabs' eyes and wipe the tear, which hopefully goes unnoticed by him.
"I'm so sorry, I'm just too emotional right now. "
"You do not have to apologize for mourning your sister." If only my sister were the only reason for my emotional change ...
"Five months ago, before you or Victoria lived in the house, I got a letter from my parents saying she died." Two more tears fall. These changing moods just make me mad!
"Psst-" He-Why is he holding me gently in his arms now? Did I anything missed?
"I know what it's like to lose loved ones." True, there was something! Had not the witch of Angel Bay killed his former lover? He had told me that at least under hypnosis.
"Thank you for being there." Why am I saying that now? I mean, I'm kind of glad he's here with me. But why I say that loud?
"You do not have to thank me, I'm happy to be with you." It's just harmonious somehow. Now I hear a slow song from Inside. What is that feeling in my stomach? "Julia?"
"Yes?"
"Would you give me this dance?" He wants to dance with me?
"I'm not a very good dancer." I mean now with a smile.
"Then just leave the lead to me." Does he seriously think I'm dance with- He puts one of his hands around my waist. He just smiles as I let him take the lead. After a while, we both dance close together. I put my head on his chest, no matter why I do it.
I finally feel safe again after so long. He somehow smells good ...
The song just ends way too fast. When I break away from him, he smiles at me. I must Smile too.
"By the way, you can dance very well" He says with a smile.
"I just had a good partner." Am I just flirting with him?
"You are an extraordinary woman, Julia Hofman." Was that a compliment or a reproach?
"I know." He then strokes one of my orange locks from my face. Now it would be a perfect moment to tell him about the babies, right? I do not know..
"I-ehm Barnabas?" I ask him now. "Yes, Julia?"
"I wanted to say something to you, Iknowitwilltakeyoubysurpriseandyou'llprobablyleavethebalconyrightawayandneverwanttoseemeagain." The more I speak, the faster I speak. Julia! Pull yourself together now!
"Hush Julia, now what do you want to tell me?" We are now facing, while he has his hand reassuring on my left shoulder. "I'm pre-" before I could tell him the truth, Victoria came to the balcony.
"Barnabas, where are you staying, I thought you wanted to dance with me?" Immediately he turns away from me and goes to Vici.
"Yes, that's what I really wanted to do-Jos, I mean my Victoria." He leaves the balcony with Victoria and I stay alone.
Ouch...
For the first time I would need a double whiskey and then a schnapps, only I can not drink alcohol.
That will be long months for me...

~to be Continued~