Heart of Ice

Hagridden

The weeks scraped by, and Seungcheol's face tormented her every single day. The palace tormented her. Being among Seungcheol's killers and having to share the same space as them tormented her. Whenever she saw a royal, she would feel her blood boil in this desperate drive for revenge.

She wanted to kill them. Every single one of them. She wanted to make them pay for the suffering she was experiencing, the emptiness, the depression, the isolation, the darkness. But she was a powerless coward who could only tremble when she was around them.

It was a bit over a month after Seungcheol's passing when something that Yewon had completely forgotten resurfaced: Seungcheol's will.

She remembered she had read it ages ago, before the infamous battle. He had let her read it to reassure her that if he did die, she would be okay. In that will, he promised her money, protection... and a husband.

"When I die, I would like for Princess Yewon to remarry the heir to the Solenese throne, if she agrees to this arrangement, of course."

Seungcheol had always wanted her to be the Queen of Solen. It was a sentiment he often repeated to her, a compliment from him that she held so close to her heart.

And in this will, it was clear; Seungcheol wanted her to be Queen so desperately, that he made the decision to let her marry Soonyoung after he died.

When Yewon read the will, she was overwhelmed with a sense of bitter loss. She missed Seungcheol who had been so sure that she would be the best Queen. She missed Seungcheol, who always made her feel so special and so wanted. She missed Seungcheol, who had always said things that gave her a sense of purpose.

But now, he was no longer there to make her feel like that. What was left of him was this parchment that expressed his desires for her to marry his brother.

However, Soonyoung was not there to marry her according to his brother's will. Soonyoung actually never returned, even after the news of Seungcheol's death diffused through the lands. For all anyone knew, Soonyoung was dead too, and the royal family could not wait for him; they had to name the next in line to the Solonese throne.

Now, the acting heir was actually Wonwoo.

-

Wonwoo proposed to her eventually, asking her to rule the country by his side in accordance with Seungcheol's wishes. He promised to love and cherish her always. He promised to give her everything.

Yewon just felt numb after his proposal.

Wonwoo was a good person. Marriage to him would be ideal for her, because if she didn't marry him, no one would. She was an infertile widow after all. Not only was she a widow, but she was a nameless, disowned widow with a bad reputation and no home. Marrying Wonwoo would give her security, permanent refuge, power, a title, and a lifelong partner. It would also honor Seungcheol's will.

However, she couldn't bring herself to accept the proposal, and only because she couldn't bear the thought of living in that palace for the rest of her life. She needed to get out of those suffocating walls as soon as she possibly could; she needed get out of that place that was swimming in memories of Seungcheol. It all brought her too much pain.

If she became Queen of Solen, she would never be able to leave that palace. And so, she didn't want to be the Queen of Solen anymore. She just wanted to go home.

She rejected Wonwoo's proposal, and Wonwoo tried his hardest to persuade her otherwise. She could tell that her rejection upset him greatly, but Yewon could not be swayed.

As much as she cared for and trusted Wonwoo, as much as she wanted to abide by Seungcheol's hopes and become Queen of his country, she couldn't do it. She couldn't stay in a palace where she experienced the unbearable trauma of losing the person she loved.

-

Letter #5

Dearest Yewon,

I often compare myself to Wonwoo. Even as I write this letter, I'm thinking about how much better of a writer he is. If he were the one married to you, he would not even need to write 20 letters to make you feel better, because he would never make you feel bad in the first place.

It's why you fell for him right? He's skilled in both passion and politics. He can write poetry and he can also lead an army to victory. He's a good communicator who can make people happy, and he's intelligent too. What made you care about me over him, I can never really wrap my head around.

I'm very blessed to have you, my princess. Blessed to have your love and your trust, but I'm not sure I've earned it. Maybe it would be better for you if you didn't love me. Maybe it would hurt you less if you didn't.

Sincerely,
Seungcheol