A single night is not long to say goodbye to your best friend in all the world. Jimmy is painfully aware that he will only say Thomas' name a finite number of times - and that at some point, he will say it for the last time. So he tries to make each one special, savouring the shape of each syllable in his mouth. Thoo--mmasss; he mouths it as he packs his few belongings. Thoo--mmass; he mouths it as he washes and changes into his bedclothes. Thoo--mmass; he mouths it as he ponders their friendship, and finds himself padding quietly across the black-as-pitch hallway and knocking gently on Thomas' door.
When Thomas opens up, the single lamp behind him means that all Jimmy can see is a silhouette. The shape beckons him inside and as the light falls on Thomas' face Jimmy sees that he looks weary. His eyes might even be red, though perhaps that is a trick of the dim light.
"Y'alright, Jimmy?" he asks.
"I - I just wanted to say thanks. For looking out for me, and not just tonight. I know we've had our problems but you've always been kind to me."
Thomas smiles and shakes his head slightly. "Tha's what friends do." They stand in silence for a few seconds before he adds sincerely: "I'm grateful for your friendship too, Jimmy."
Jimmy realises that that is the second time Thomas has said his name in three sentences. He wonders if Thomas is savouring his name too.
"I was thinking..." Jimmy begins, then wants to kick himself because that suddenly sounds all too planned. "Since we... we might not see each other again. Well, what harm could it do now? It won't mean anything, okay, Thomas? It's just a goodbye. I just thought..."
"What?" Thomas asks softly.
"I thought I'd let you, um, kiss me, just once, mind. Before I go, like."
Thomas just looks at him wordlessly in the golden glow of lamplight, until Jimmy starts to feel silly. He shuffles his feet and shrugs a bit. "It were just an idea. If you wanted."
"Are you sure?" his friend says at last.
Jimmy meets his eyes again and manages to smile reassuringly. "Yeah. I don't have time to buy you a going-away present, so I'll give you this instead."
Thomas blinks a few times, swallows, and licks his lips. "Now?" he asks, slightly hoarsely.
Jimmy keeps looking in his eyes, and nods. He wonders if Thomas is blushing; his own face is certainly starting to feel rather hot.
Taking an uncertain step forwards, Thomas puts one hand on Jimmy's upper arm, and slowly leans down. Jimmy finds himself giggling nervously and taking a quick step away.
For a moment, Thomas' face seems to tighten, before he manages to wipe it smooth.
"Sorry," Jimmy says quickly. "It's a little... You're my best friend, it's a little strange. Try again?" He moves back in front of Thomas to show that he is sincere. And he is; he may not feel the way Thomas would like him to, or the way Thomas feels about him, but he does love his friend, and wants to give him this memory.
Thomas regards him for a moment. "Close your eyes," he breathes, and Jimmy does so. He feels suddenly more aware of Thomas' presence in the room, the way he is breathing deeply and a little fast, the touch of each of his fingers against Jimmy's arm.
Soft lips touch Jimmy's, feather-light and gentle. He instinctively tilts his head and their lips slide into the new position, and when Thomas parts his lips Jimmy does the same. Thomas' kiss is so faint as he captures first Jimmy's upper lip, then the lower, careful not to break the contact between them for an instant.
The kiss is so gentle that Jimmy presses against him, seeking more pressure, and links his hands behind Thomas' head to stop his slight retreat. He had not really planned to take such an active role in this, but plans can be changed, Jimmy thinks, matching Thomas' every movement.
He wants to touch Thomas' chest; his hands start to move of their own accord, sliding down Thomas' neck, along his shoulders, but Jimmy stops them when the heels of his hands find the hollows below the bones of Thomas' shoulders.
Jimmy realises unexpectedly that he does not want to end the kiss.The warm feeling that had started in his stomach has spread through his whole body, his fingers are tingling, and it feels as though his veins are full of sparks. In the end, it is Thomas who lets his head bow, breaking the contact between their lips but resting his forehead against Jimmy's. Neither man opens their eyes.
"Thank you," Thomas says thickly. "I love you, Jimmy Kent. Good luck and goodbye."
Jimmy cannot stand the finality in his voice. He reaches out and holds Thomas' wrist, squeezing it as tightly as he now squeezes his eyes shut. "If you don't write to me, Thomas Barrow, I'll never forgive you," he promises, his voice somehow fierce and shaky at the same time. He tilts his head back and presses another kiss against Thomas' lips. "I bet you could come and visit. Once I'm settled. You could even..."
"Yes?"
"You could... get a job near me. I'll miss you." He slides a hand back up to touch the side of Thomas' neck, and kisses him again. "I'll miss you a lot. Everything about you, you know what I mean?"
Thomas lifts his head at last. "Everything?" he questions softly, and his vulnerable expression lets Jimmy know that he has understood perfectly. Everything? his eyes ask. Even what we just did?
Jimmy kisses him one last time and promises: "Everything, Thomas Barrow."
—
By Laramie on ao3
