Thomas didn't think he could be blamed for saying the terrible thing he had said. It certainly wasn't his fault if Jimmy had taken it seriously. They had been in the throes of passion after all. Well, post-throes anyhow. As Thomas had come down from the euphoria of his orgasm, he had kissed his way all along Jimmy's stomach.
"God, I wish you could marry me," Thomas had whispered into Jimmy's heated skin. He'd felt muscles ripple under his cheek and it suddenly occurred to him that, yes, Jimmy might take this too seriously. And it might scare him off. Their relationship was still young after all.
Thomas had looked up to see Jimmy wearing a dazed expression. Thomas thought he had covered himself very well. He smirked knowingly and tipped his head. "Kidding, Jimmy. Don't look so frightened." He'd leaned down to nibble on a nipple for a moment. "I know you're not exactly the...marrying kind anyhow. Wouldn't think of it."
Jimmy had abruptly sat up and suddenly he was wearing his dressing gown again and grabbing his pajamas.
"I feel like sleepin' in me own bed," he mumbled. Then he was gone.
The end was inevitable, Thomas thought as he made his way to breakfast the next morning. Sooner or later Jimmy was going to get scared off and Thomas couldn't blame him. He could hardly contain his love for Jimmy before much less when they had begun a physical relationship. Of course, he never said the words. But he felt as if he were tap dancing every time Jimmy put his arms around him or kissed him (still so shy and sweet).
Thomas steeled himself and sat down for breakfast, avoiding eye contact with Jimmy who was eating toast and staring at the table. Thomas summoned courage and risked a smile in Jimmy's direction.
Jimmy scowled and looked away.
Well, bloody fantastic. That was fun for a bit anyhow.
But his thoughts belied his feelings as his heart began to crack for the bloody hundredth time. For the rest of the day, Thomas avoided Jimmy.
But in the yard that night, Jimmy came to him.
Here it comes, Thomas thought. Might as well get it over with.
"I didn't mean it!" Thomas blurted.
"I know you didn't!" Jimmy snapped. He crossed his arms, scowling again. "Just pillow talk, was it? So? Why!"
"Why what?"
"Why am I not marriage material!" Jimmy looked almost as upset as he had the night of the fated kiss.
"I...what?" Thomas's head spun.
"I mean...if it's because of all that's happened before then why'd you want to be friends with me at all? Or am I just not good enough for the great Thomas Barrow! Or only good enough for...for that!"
"Keep your voice down," Thomas said.
"I won't keep my voice down!" Jimmy said, stamping his feet. "It's not as if I'm not trying! Not that you've noticed! I'm working harder than I even have to and I hardly ever gamble anymore...I was trying to put some money away in case we ever wanted to leave together but I guess that's not ever happening-"
"Wait-"
"All this time I thought...I thought... Look, I know I'm not a bloody Duke!"
"What's Philip got to do with anything?" Thomas's cigarette had burned down and he dropped it to the ground.
"Oh, you talk about him all the time!"
"I certainly do not," Thomas said, scoffing. "I think I've mentioned him twice and besides that was all years ago-"
"So you're just waiting for some other upstairs twit to sweep you away and I'm just a distraction til then!" Jimmy had tears in his eyes.
"No, but I...I didn't know you felt that way," Thomas said. "You've never said so."
"I've never done this before, have I?" Jimmy sniffed and wrapped his arms tighter around himself. "I was following your lead. When you said you wished you could marry me I thought you were goin' to finally say it. Make the big speech. Tell me you truly love me and you want to be with me always. It's fine for you, you've fallen in love before. I don't think I can love anyone else. Least I doubt it. Can't even think of lovin' anybody else. It's...it's impossible!"
"Uh..." Thomas felt like wind was blowing in his hair though it was a still night. "I'm sure you could. It's pretty easy to fall in love once you've got the hang of it."
"I don't want anyone else though," Jimmy said, suddenly quiet. "I've already fallen for you, I'm done for. And I could be a very good husband, I don't care what ya say."
Thomas bit back a grin and hazarded a few steps towards Jimmy. "I say...yes."
"Yes to what?"
"Wasn't this a proposal?" He cupped Jimmy's face between his palms. "I meant what I said to begin with. Then I was afraid it was too much. I'd marry you in a heart beat, Jimmy Kent."
"You proposed first, I get to say yes," Jimmy murmured. But he let Thomas kiss him long and slow and whispered, "Yes...yes yes..."
"Have you really been putting money away all this time?" Thomas said, and played with Jimmy's hair.
"Yeah. I know it's not as much as you've probably got but...yeah."
"What a good husband you are," Thomas said, and kissed him again.
