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Jack

I told my mom about what had happened. "Sorry." She signed. I shrugged. "If it gets to the point of physical then we'll take you out of school." She wrote. I nodded. I wanted to hide it from her now. I didn't want to be any more trouble than I already was. Deaf. Jobless. Now, almost unable to go to public school. Yeah, there was my sisters and my brother that were still helping, but I knew the stress on my mom was unbearable. With those thoughts I went up to my room and laid on my bed. I stared at my ceiling and let my thoughts run free. You're useless Sean. Look at you. You're just a burden that your mom has to lug around so she doesn't look bad. I turned on my side and screwed my eyes shut. I wanted it to stop. She doesn't want a screw up faggot like you. Stop. Why? Gonna cry? Look at that. You're a baby too. You have no place here anymore. Tears were spilling from my eyes now as I curled in a ball and pulled the blankets over my face. I looked down. No. You haven't done it for two months now Jack. I don't need it. Or do I? The white scars on my arms pushed memories of getting bullied back into my head. getting shoved in lockers. Swirlies. Getting beaten to a pulp. It would start happening again, but this time, I knew it would be worse. 

I let myself drift into sleep, hoping that my dreams would take over and the thoughts would stop. No. They weren't dreams. They were nightmares. Watching my dad die over and over again. My mom wishing I wasn't a screw up. But the worst one. My dad and I playing when I was younger. I give him a hug and when I pull away he's covered in blood and bits of glass are sticking out of his face. His guts are hanging from his stomach. I back up in fear. "You're a useless faggot Sean. Why can't you be like your brothers and sisters? Now you're deaf? God. How did I end up with a fuck up like you? Just die! DIE! They don't need you anymore! Give in Sean. You're weak. You aren't a fighter. Just give up." 

With that I spring upright in bed and I'm breathing heavily. I pull my knees to my chest and just cry. I want everything to go back to normal. Me and my dad hanging out. All of us talking and laughing. Fighting when we play monopoly. I sniffed. I should've known that a life that went so well wouldn't last forever. It never does. I laid back on the bed and just stared at the ceiling. No way in hell was I falling back asleep. Maybe I can learn some more sign language. Better than going back into that hell. 

--

Heading to school, I knew today was gonna be hell. Word spreads like wildfire at this school. Soon everyone would know I was Deaf. I didn't want them all walking around giving me sympathetic looks and trying to say sorry for something they didn't do. I hated it so much. We pulled up and I told my mom I loved her and I'd see her that afternoon. I headed inside, no where near prepared for what would happen. 

Walking through the quiet hallways I kept my head down. Not wanting to look at anyone. I walked into my first class and sat at the desk in the very back. Dustin had texted me and said he wasn't going to be at school today too, so I didn't have anyone to talk to. I just sketched in my book and took notes all day. Well, at least until lunch. 

As I was walking down the hallway someone grabbed me from behind and pulled me into the bathroom. The lights were off so I couldn't see who it was. I was thrown to the floor and pinned down. I reached around and tried to find something. Anything to hit them with. Who ever they were. I couldn't find anything. I hated this. I couldn't see and I couldn't hear. The worst part was the fact that I could still feel. The person punched me and blood gushed from my nose. Some one kicked me. Another punch. Kick. Over and Over. In different places. My face, sides, chest, stomach, legs. I was gonna look like utter hell when I got out of here. As I was fighting back for the millionth time the door opened and the lights flickered on. One of my teachers, Mr. Jameson, was standing there with shock and anger on his face. He said something to the boys and the one on top of me, Rory, looked pissed and walked off. Mr. Jameson helped me up and walked me to the nurse.