Letters From Above

Chapter 3: The Almost Kiss

My grandma had gotten here early this morning. I'm glad because I really needed her. I haven't seen her yet because I've been locked in my room. It's around noon and I have no desire to get up or do anything. I just want to keep myself trapped in my room until tomorrow. I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want people to tell me 'Sorry for your loss', and I don't want anyone to pity me. I absolutely do not like it when people pity me.

I got up and snuck to the bathroom, praying no one would see me. I brushed my teeth, put some deodorant on, showered, and crept back to my room.

My room is like my safe place. No one can come here, no one can force me to talk, or answer questions.

I don't get why this happened. We are living right, we're good people: why? Why did my parents get taken? I have asked myself these questions repeatedly over the past two days. It's just not fair.

"Lace, you need to come out," Kurt said, his voice muffled.

"I'm perfectly fine right here."

"Then let me come in."

I thought about it for a good five seconds before slowly getting up and unlocking my door. I laid back down on my bed and turned away from Kurt. I didn't want him to see me. I look like I have been hit by a very fast moving bus.

Kurt and I sat in silence, a comfortable silence. It was almost peaceful, until he started talking. "Your grandma wants to see you, you know."

"I know, but I know when I go out there she's going to start asking questions and I'm going to end up breaking down, again. I'm not ready for either," I said, honestly.

"Well, just warning you, Kenz is making you go with her to buy you guys dresses so you're going to have to go out there sometime."

"Seriously?" I asked, getting a little mad. Kenz wants to buy us dresses for a funeral?

"Seriously."

I sighed, and threw the covers off of me. I marched downstairs and went to the dining room. I saw Kenz and my grandma engaged in a conversation, until Kenz saw me.

"Lacey!" she said, hugging me tightly. "How are you feeling?" she whispered into my ear as she hugged me.

Don't cry. Be strong, I thought to myself.

"Same as yesterday," I whispered back, looking beyond her to see my grandma's rosy cheeks. Her eyes were watery, and her cheeks were puffy; she had been crying.

"Hi, Grandma," I said, giving a weak smile. Grandma embraced me in a hug and she had began crying again.

"You look just like your mother," grandma whispered; hearing those words made me sob. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry," grandma whispered into my ear. I didn't say anything back, I just cried into my grandma's shoulder.

  ***

I can't believe Kenzie is dragging me to the mall to get a dress. I would prefer to just not go at all.

"How about this one? It would look good on you!" Kenz said, holding up a black sheer dress. She's suggested many dresses, but I haven't taken a liking to any of them.

"Yeah, sure," I lazily replied. Normally I'm trying on all the dresses, looking for the best one, but I just can't bring myself to care. All I can think about is my grandma moving in with me for a couple months (so she can make sure I'll be fine on my own) and tomorrow; the service, burial, dinner afterwards, then back to my room.