Letters From Above

Chapter 4: The Day

Today is the day I have been dreading the most. Today, my parents' death becomes official, it obviously already is, but it's the final step. Then, no more dealing with anything and I can just be left alone. I glanced around my room, spotting the bags by my closet door and the plastic bag hanging on the hanger. I'm assuming that's my dress and the bags are shoes, jewelry, or anything else I could possibly need for this absolutely terrible day. I looked at my alarm clock sitting on my dresser; 10:45 A.M. I need a shower.

After the shower, I blow dried my hair. I want it to look good, but not too good. I decided to put it in loose curls. I walked over to my closet door and took the dress from the bag. Kenz picked out a good dress, this is beautiful. It's a black sheer dress, about mid thigh, with no sleeves. I put on black tights and set my black heels by the door.

I stood in the mirror, staring at my reflection; dark bags under my eyes, unhealthy pale skin, you can tell I've lost some weight. After glaring at myself, I put on my mom's black dress cardigan, checked the clock (12:45 P.M.). Sighing, I slowly got up and made my way downstairs.

Surprisingly, Kurt was the only one here. He was lounging on the couch, flipping through the numerous channels on the TV. I hadn't spoken a single word to him since our almost kiss. I mean, who does that? My parents just passed, leaving me broken and crushed, and now he expresses his feelings for me? In my opinion, it was a little rude and selfish.

Suddenly, the front door flung open to reveal my grandma and Kenzie. They had numerous bags and other things in their hands. Kurt got up to help them and I retreated back to my room, praying that no one had spotted me.

How was I going to do this? How was I going to be strong for myself and everyone else when I haven't even went a single day without crying or breaking down? I have to make a speech, stand in front of all the people that's going to be there. It's crazy and absurd.

I read through my speech once more, a poem, a few memories, encouraging words, before my grandma knocked on my door informing me it was time to go. I grabbed my wallet, phone, and everything else I might need and carelessly threw it into my small, black, over-the-shoulder purse. Before walking out of my room, I took one last glance in the mirror, slipped on my heels, and went downstairs.

"Hey, guys," I said, glancing at Kenz and my grandma, ignoring the heat of Kurt's stare.

"Hi, Lace. Are you ready?" Kenz asked, carefully.

"Nope," I said, popping the "p".

Kenz gave me a small smile before they rounded up their things and went to the car. I had gotten in the back, along with Kenz, while Kurt drove and my grandma in the front. I sagged into Kenz, and tried to let her comfort me.

The drive to the funeral home had been extremely fast. I took my time getting out of the car, and strolling lazily to the huge golden and brass doors to the funeral home. The stairs that led up to it were grand, I never really paid any attention to the details of it before. The railing up the stairs was brass, to match the doors, I assume, and the building itself was a snow white with black shudders. Within a few very short hours, I will be forced to give a speech, and speak to unwanted strangers.

The doors had already been opened, so I walked to Chester's office to inform him we were here. With a slight nod, he got up and refreshed my memory of the huge funeral home. I wanted so bad to see my parents bodies, but they had gotten burned to ash in the fire. I was grateful that they had been found, and not long lost at sea, or in the jungle. I just wish I could see them properly to say my goodbyes.

We had been led to the room where the ceremony will take place. It was a fairly large room, with more seats than I'd ever seen in my entire life. On one side of the room, the plain black seats had deep blue velvet covers draped over them to mark the family section. I instantly spotted my name in the first seat, closest to my parents. Kenzie was next to me, then Kurt, and my grandma. I felt bad that my friends had been placed closer to me than her, but I needed them the most; more so Kenzie than Kurt.

Chester led us to the far corner of the room up front where there had already been tons of flowers sent in and the pictures of the board that I had picked out. I smiled to myself as I looked at one of the pictures of me and my mom laughing while my dad had looked like he was gagging. We had done the jellybean challenge, and my dad had gotten Dead Fish. I will never forget the day my mom and I laughed so hard that we nearly choked on spit. I had looked at another picture of my parents, me, Kenzie, Kurt, Kenzie's parents, and Kurt's parents at my house while we were having a small get together. Kenzie, Kurt, and I would play in the backyard, while the grownups talked about business.

I glanced at the bottom right corner and noticed the selfie I took with my parents the day they left. We were all smiling and huddling around each other, trying to savor the moment before they left for an excruciating long two weeks, Little did I know that they weren't coming back.

I felt my heart break all over again at the thoughts. I replayed a few days ago when I had gotten informed about my parent's death at school. I felt something break inside me, I don't know if it was my heart, my sanity, or my emotions, but I felt like I was being internally crushed. The same crushing feeling came back as I felt a few tears stroll down my face.

C'mon, pull yourself together! I thought to myself. The showing hasn't even started and I'm already breaking. How am I going to do this?

I pushed passed my friends, Chester, my grandma and rushed to the bathroom. I grabbed paper towels and got them a little wet before dabbing it along my face. Pain, heartbreak, loneliness, and grief haven't ever been stronger.

The pain is almost unbearable, just the thought and the knowing that I won't ever see my parents again hurts like hell. The heartbreak is suffocating, as I feel my heart break and crumble each time I think about them being gone.

The loneliness is what gets me. You may think I'm really not alone because I have my friends and my grandma; Wrong! I don't have those father-daughter bonding moments or mother-daughter clicks or those awkward moments when we say the same things at the exact same time. It's been taken from me, ripped right out of my hands. Lastly, the grief is pulling me under. People say it'll get better, and I do believe it will eventually, but until then the grief is latching onto me and it's not letting go.

"Lacey?" Kenzie asked, as she knocked on the door, lightly. "A few people have already started to arrive. Come out when you're ready. I jut thought I should let you know."

Unlocking the door, and plastering a fake smile on my face, I came face-to-face with my best friend. She had a hopeful smile, but her eyes gave away she was on edge.

"K-Kenz, I c-can't," I sobbed into her chest, as she embraced me in a hug. I managed to keep my sobs controlled, trying my hardest to keep them maintained.

Kenz's hold on me became tighter, as she whispered encouraging things into my ear. I really was grateful for such an amazing best friend like her.

She led me out of the bathroom and back to the ceremony room. She was right, there were several people here already. Heads turned to eye me as I walked into the room. I was hanging on by a thread that is constantly being cut, becoming closer and closer to the edge.

I felt encouraging smiles through my side profile as I sauntered back to the corner with the pictures. I can do this.