Miss Jefferson

Chapter 16

I walked onto the stage.

It was dark, no one was here yet. Not even the janitor.

I set my backpack down and took off my jacket.

I unzipped the front pocket of my bag and pulled out my ballet slippers. I slid them on, thing the ties and ribbons around my ankles and calves.

I took my hair out of its bun and let it fall.

The kinky-curly twists of brown and blonde fell about my shoulders, circling my head like a lion's mane.

I switched one of the stage lights on, and walked to center stage. I pulled out my phone and opened up YouTube.

Pressing play on the specific video, I slid my phone across the floor to rest next to my backpack.

The song began with a deep cello, and I took my first position.

My feet knew the steps by heart, the routine comprised of both traditional ballet and contemporary dance.

It started out slow, and waited for the chorus to break out.

When it did, so did I.

My feet flew across the floor and the ferocity of my spinning and turning cooled the heat and sweat that was beginning to form on my face.

I danced and hit all the steps effortlessly.
It's easy to do good when no one is watching.

And it's easy to dance when that's all you have.

When the song finally slowed to an end, I slid to the ground on my knees. Thoughts flooded my mind.

Thoughts about how I'd been pushed aside.
I'd been second place.
I hadn't been good enough for him.

And through all of that, I hadn't been good enough to myself.

I wasn't going to be the type who allowed words to label me.

I never had been.

Growing up with cochlear implants was hard enough.

Getting to be an understudy for a male part was harder.

Getting to where I was now was the hardest thing I'd ever done.

And I did not plan on throwing that away because of someone else's words.

I never had.

And I never would.

I slipped the implants off of my ears and set them on the ground.

I threw my head back and cried out, but I couldn't hear anything.

"I hear nothing!" I shouted. "Do you hear me? I. Hear. Nothing!" Tears slid down my cheeks again, but I didn't bother to wipe them away.

After sitting in silence a few minutes I took a deep breath and stood to my feet. I picked my implants back up and reunited them with my ears and the magnets that were just under the surface of the skin on the back of my head.

I pulled every curl back into a ponytail and tied it off.

I picked my phone, jacket, and backpack up and turned toward the entrance to the hallway.

I was suddenly startled to see a figure standing in the doorway.

Immediately blushing with embarrassment, I decided to apologize. "I'm sorry!" I called. "I thought I was the only one here!"

"You were." Daveed said as he stepped into the light. "I only got to see half of your dance routine."

"I'm sorry I—"

"Screamed?" He crossed his arms. "Don't be."

"I mean I didn't mean to disturb you." I stammered.

He shook his head. "If you can't scream here, where else are you supposed to go?"

I shrugged.

He nodded. "Feeling better, I see, though?"

"Yeah," I breathed. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good. Cause we need Miss Jefferson at her best in rehearsal today, and ain't nothing gonna hold her down."

I cracked a smile. "Thanks, Daveed."

He smiled back, patting my head again. "Let's see if we can't find any tea around here. After that performance a few minutes ago, your voice must be worn out. Can't have a sore throat before a matinee."

•••••

The sun climbed higher and higher in the sky, painting everything a pale blue and yellow.

Everyone else eventually showed up, including Oak and Martha.

I walked into Anthony's dressing room, or made to, but it was a little crowded.

Andrew and Sydney were just leaving, and Renee wasn't far behind them.

In my effort to get inside, I almost got my cup knocked out of my hand.

"Hot mess with a hot peppermint tea, back it up." I warned.

Jazzy's eyes widened at my comment, and followed me as I walked to Oak's counter.

I set his olive green jacket down. The same jacket that I'd grown to love nearly as much as I loved him himself.

I set it down on his counter. Returned it. Let it go.

Jasmine and Anthony were silent a moment before Ant broke it.

"Ayyy!"

Jasmine wiped away invisible tears. "My girl's back!"

I laughed and allowed her to put her arm around my shoulders, pressing a sisterly kiss to my cheek.

"Nice to see you like this." Anthony said to me.

I shrugged. "It was...hard. But I'm done being down. If he wants me to fall again, he's gonna have to put in a little more work."

Jasmine squeezed my shoulder. "Good."

"Cast to the stage." Lin's voice came over the intercom. "'Guns and Ships' run-through. Sorry, Jada." He added before cutting off.

"Go show 'em why you're here." Jazzy nudged me.

•••••

I did both shows that day, and I did them with more passion and happiness than I'd done in a long time.

During 'Helpless', I didn't stare into Oak's eyes and try to read his expression.

It hurt a bit, but I focused on how I was doing.

I focused on the steps, and how much fun I was suppose to be having.

By doing that, the pain dulled, and I pushed matters of love aside.

I did my best for me, not for anyone else.

I learned a lot, I grew up a lot.