Your title got my curiosity from the very start. Na-excite ako nang umpisahan ko ito kasi mahilig ako sa horror genre. So well done on this one.
⏺Book Cover (Rate: 2)
You can gain readers through attractive cover because sometimes readers also consider catchy book covers in order to convince them to read a story. But in your case, your cover isn't that catchy. I even had difficulties in reading your title sa book cover. You can improve on this one, there are many graphic shops here in Wattpad na maaring makatulong sa 'yo.
⏺Plot and Theme (Rate: 2)
[Blurb]
-Maigsi yes that's a good one pero medyo mahina ang impact. Dapat dito pa lang kilabutan na agad ang readers mo.
[Prologue/Teaser]
- Dito ako nagsimulang ma-hook sa story mo. Magandang move 'yong ginawa mong move na ilagay sa teaser ang nangyari kay Shane, nakaka-curious.
Absurd Scenes- In chapter 10, when Rico was dragged right before their eyes; I can't believe that they just stood there. They didn't do anything. Usually, if this situation occurs people will try to help or they will try to chase the culprit. But in here, they only felt nervousness, they didn't try to bring back their friend which was very unlikely for me.
Also in chapter 10, while Rico was being dragged. Kailangan pa ba talagang tingnan niya pa ang kamay nito for him to know na may dugo ang kamay ng kumakaladkad sa kan'ya? Kasi para sa akin, kung nakatakip naman pala ang kamay nito sa bibig niya ay madali niya na agad malalaman na dugo ito. Paano? Dahil sa amoy ng dugo which is malansa. And it's really impossible for Rico to know because base sa time check ni Erika nang makarating sila roon ay 6:24 na ng gabi at karugtong noon ang pagkakita nila sa magkakaibigan and so on. With the surroundings na puro puno, imposible talagang maka-determine pa ng kulay si Rico plus nagpapanic na siya dahil sa biglaang pangyayari. I hope you're getting my point here.
In Chapter 15-16, nabangga 'yong van na sinasakyan nila. Ang karaniwang napupuruhan kapag ganito ay ang driver at ang pasahero sa katabing seat. I was expecting na patay na si Jonathan since siya 'yong driver and according sa narration naligo ito sa bubog. Since hindi specified kung saan napuruhan si Jonathan, readers including me will probably assume that he was killed by the car crash.
Face in the name- To be honest, tanging na-retain lang sa utak ko ay mga pangalan nila all throughout. I know mahirap mag-describe ng characters lalo na't marami sila. But try your best to describe them one by one, kahit 'di sobrang detailed. You can narrate their unique characteristics.
