red flavor; critique shoppe

📘When Everything Feels Like The Movies📘

handaunted

⏺First Impression

• Title

- Siguro ine-expect mo na 'to pero sasabihin ko pa rin. Your title is too long for me. I'm the type of reader na hindi matandain lalo na kapag mahaba ang title, maybe may maaalala ako pero few words lang. As you can see, may mga readers na katulad ko at kung gusto mong matandaan ng readers ang title ng story mo, you should consider picking a title na hindi ganoon kahaba. Yes pasadong pasado sa uniqueness and appropriateness, that's the strength of your title. I'm not encouraging you to change your title, why? Well based on experience, title is one of the hardest part in making a novel or a story and I can see that it's complimenting the traits of your characters especially Clyde's. I'm just sharing my positive and negative insights about this one, so I hope you don't mind.

• Blurb

- Typical blurb. However, I like how you balanced everything on that part. Hindi nabulgar ang pinaka-plot, which is good. Maganda rin 'yong last line sa blurb, panghatak kumbaga. Keep it up.

• Book Cover
- I really don't have a problem with your cover. Ang aesthetic and unique nga ng dating para sa akin. Medyo crowded nga lang 'yong placing ng title dahil mahaba.

• Prologue
- Hmm, since nahila ako ng blurb mo I was expecting some more enticing scenes or unexpected scenes. But don't get me wrong, noong binasa ko ang part na 'yon, of course I got curious but not to extent na babasahin ko agad 'yong chapter one. I don't know but I felt like the whole chapter lacked on emotion? I mean, nandoon sila sa funeral because they were guilty pero hindi ko masyadong feel 'yon kay Beaumont. Yes, nandoon 'yong inner thoughts niya pero nakulangan siguro small details. Like for example, if Beaumont felt annoyed and guilty that time, maybe you can include some small actions like fidgeting of fingers, furrowing of brow and such to show that he was restless and annoyed that time.

⏺Plot

• Relevance to the Genre

- At first, nagtataka talaga ako bakit general fiction?? Kasi noong una tingin ko mas swak siya sa teen fic kasi iyon ang binibigay na vibe ng story mo. But it's more than that, habang nagpo-progress ang story I knew this is going to be interesting. I mean, the fact na sinama mo 'yong AIDS issue sa story with a mix of romance, slice of life, coming of age etc., is what makes your story relevant to your chosen genre.

• Flow/Transition of Scenes
- Yes, mabagal ang flow ng story, usually ang boring for me pero your story is an exception. I like how you spark your readers' attention by slowly giving a piece of information little by little. Kasi roon sila mas lalong magtatanong, maguguluhan and eventually they'll keep on reading until the end. So I'm very satisfied sa flow/transitions sa story mo although it took a couple of chapters bago mo ni-reveal 'yong flashbacks which I'm really looking forward to know, nakaka-torture teh.

• Conflict (Internal/External)

- Present ang internal at external conflict for both of your main characters. These conflicts really added spice to your story lalo na 'yong inner conflicts ni Beau to pursue Clyde because of Holly... and of course as you said she is the life and blood of the story, she really is. I would like to commend you for including the AIDS issue in your story, siguro isa ito sa tatatak sa akin kapag maaalala ko ang story mo. Not everyone will attempt to include this in their own story, usually they'll go for the cliché ones, alam mo 'yon? Iyong mga sakit na common sa isang story, pero hey people, don't get me wrong here. I'm not invalidating other conditions it's just that it's rare to see someone raising an awareness for other people to see through his or her story. Dahil katulad nga sa nangyari sa character mo, madaling mahusgahan ang mga taong may ganitong kondisyon. So I really love everything about your conflicts and you have your own ideas sa story, keep it up.