- I got curious, at first, pero medyo hindi na appealing noong nabasa ko ang story mula umpisa hanggang chapter ten. Kung hindi mo kayang paikutin sa Bus #7 ang flow ng story mas okay nga sigurong palitan mo ang title mo. Sa chapter 7 or 8 yata ay umalis na sila sa bus without hinting na babalik pa sa lugar na 'yon since ang patayan ay nalipat na sa ibang lugar. Siguro kung magpapalit ka, solidify your plot first. As I said on my previous critiques, mahirap mag-construct ng title. I suggest that you consider your character/s, plot, purpose of the story or you can consider using a title with a deep and meaningful meaning behind it. Try to consider also your readers on making this one, you need to make them think and question like "what is the connection of your title to your story". Kasi that's our goal, to make our readers curious and eventually they'll read until the end.
• Blurb
- At first, ayos ang bagsak ng lines. Nakaka-curious. Pero habang patapos na ang blurb, I noticed the redundancy of words lalo na sa following words: look deeper, we/you get what you don't expect, sometimes, but, and fate. Hindi masyadong maganda kapag binasa so suggest ko lang na ibang words ang gamitin mo with same meaning instead of using same words repeatedly.
• Book Cover
- To be honest, hindi siya enticing. Book cover ang isa sa mga manghihila sa potential readers mo. Katulad sa sales and marketing, the product is your story and naming a product brand is like giving a title to your story while the branding of a product is your book cover, no one would buy a product na hindi appealing ang image na nakikita sa bibilhin nila just like book covers. I advise you to change your cover, you can find many graphic shops here on watty or maybe I can help you with your book cover, message mo lang ako.
• Prologue
- Hindi ako masyadong nahila ng prologue. Kumbaga, I'll hesitate whether to continue reading or not. Medyo magulo kasi ang pagkaka-construct. Kung hindi ko pa binasang mabuti ay hindi ko makukuha ang punto ng prologue mo na for each stanza or paragraph, if tama ang interpretation ko, the italicized sentence/s pertains to the point of views of each characters about life? If you'll revise this part, maybe change it into more mysterious vibe since iyon ang genre ng story mo. May ibang authors na nilalagay 'yong exciting parts sa story nila, like 'yong mga scenes na mangyayari sa kalagitnaan ba. Or you can also choose not to include a prologue in your story, pwede naman 'yon.
⏺Plot
• Relevance to the Genre
- Okay naman, I can see the relevance to our chosen genre. Siguro medyo nakukulangan lang ako sa thrill.
• Flow/Transition of Scenes
Case One May times na nakakalito ang transition ng scenes. See these screenshots below for reference:
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