All Those Words

Chapter 13

Calysta

Asa's fingers slip between mine as we enter the house that's swimming with students that are sweaty bodies dancing to the pounding music. It makes me feel all warm and tingly inside that he's holding my hand. It makes me want to believe that we're more than just friends or family. But I also know that it can't happen because we're family.

We're not blood related, nor have Deb and Victor adopted any of the other kids but we're still a family and so, whatever I'm starting to feel for Asa, I know that I can't let it go further. That's why I keep telling myself that he's just taken me on as a charity case so he can help me talk to people again.

But even those thoughts can't get past the nausea that's threatening to take over. My heart feels like it's pounding as loud as the music and it's making me feel dizzy. My eyes burn and I pray to God that I'm not going to start crying and make a fool of myself. My hands are getting sweaty but Asa doesn't let go, he only holds on tighter.

"Hey, you guys came," Cece flashes smiles at both of us and I force a smile back. "It's going to be so much fun-"

"I'm not allowed to drink," Trixie pouts and I shoot her a look that shuts her up.

"Thirteen year olds shouldn't be allowed to drink," Asa points out. "At least become a sophomore or a freshman."

"We're not drinking either," Cece tells her quickly. "We should be happy that we even got invited to a junior's party."

Trixie frowns but agrees with her friend before we head to the kitchen to find drinks. Asa lets go of my hand for a minute, handing Trixie and her friends sodas. And when they pop them open and walk over to one corner to talk, he hands me a beer.

"We're not supposed to drink," I tell him, looking down at the bottle in my hands.

"You've never drunk?" he asks me and I shake my head.

I had never gotten a chance to. I had been too young to drink back when I was friends with Sydney and after we ended our friendship, I stopped going to parties altogether. And even though my plans with Sydney were more about having fun and being with her, I suddenly felt bad for missing out on these things, too. I missed having my first drink at a party when I joined high school. I missed dancing with my friends to loud electronic music or slow dancing with my boyfriend at junior homecoming and prom. I even missed getting a boyfriend.

"Why're you thinking so much?" he asks. "It's just a beer. It'll help you loosen up a bit and even though I don't think alcohol should be your go-to help to get away from your anxiety, it's okay once in a while."

"Okay," I say softly and he takes one out for himself.

"I'm only drinking one with you because I need to drive us home in an hour," he tells me and I nod.

He raises his bottle to mine and clanks them together. Then he puts it to his mouth and takes a long drink. I follow his lead and the foul tasting liquid runs down my throat. I manage to keep it down but I can't hold back the disgust that crosses my face as the bitter taste fills my mouth. He chuckles and takes another gulp. He even manages to look perfectly fine when he's done with his drink. I, on the other hand, already feel the heat despite the less amount of clothing I have on. My head feels a lighter and I'm sure I'm swaying slightly.

"Cal, I think you should sit down," Asa tells me and I stare at him blankly before he takes me by the hand and sits me down on one end of the couch in the living room.

People are still dancing all over the place, drinks in their hands and red solo cups thrown here and there. There are people on the other side of the couch, too, so I pull Asa down next to me as a shield.