All Those Words

Chapter 15

Calysta

On Sunday afternoon, Deb and Victor take all the kids to the mall to buy Asa's gift. I had to pretend that I feel unwell so I have to stay at home and as expected, Asa offers to keep me company.

"How do you feel?" he asks me as I lie in bed. "Is it because you went running in the morning yesterday?"

My heart jumps to my throat and I stare at him. He had known? Had he seen me leave or seen me come back? Did he know that I had gotten him a gift? No, that isn't possible, I tell myself. No one had seen me come in.

"How did you know?" I ask and he smirks as he places a glass of water in my hands when I sit up.

"I saw your work-out clothes in the laundry basket," he tells me and I almost let out a sigh of relief. "Are you pretending to feel sick because you're too scared to run into Sydney at the mall?"

I send him a dirty look but he shrugs as if he couldn't help but ask. So I gulp down the water and set it on my table before frowning at him. It's true that seeing Sydney so devastated made me feel like a horrible person but I also know that she would have never seen Shaun's betrayal had I not pointed it out. And it would have just hurt her even more she found out later, right? Or did it hurt her so much because she heard it from me and in front of so many people? It makes me wonder whether her friends would comfort her like I would have or whether they were picking sides and whether she had ended things with him.

"I feel like a horrible person," I admit to him. "But I finally got my side of the story out. Wasn't that what you wanted to hear?"

He stares at me for a second and I feel electricity pass through my body under his heated gaze. He doesn't look like he's judging me or thinks that I was wrong.

"I'm not scared of her anymore," I continue, coughing out the words. "I'm not scared that I did that in front of everyone either. I just feel bad for hurting her."

"You're sickeningly nice, you know that?" he asks and I look away, embarrassed by his words. "But that's what I like about you."

My heart jumps to my throat again and gets lodged there, making it impossible to breathe. I turn to grab the glass of water again and realize that it's empty which makes him laugh and makes my cheeks burn up even more.

"It's twenty first October," I say quickly, just to change the subject and realize that I've just stated the obvious. "It's your birthday, isn't it?"

His eyes widen for a second before he raises an eyebrow in amusement as if he didn't expect me to know. And I'm not about to tell him that Deb and Victor had told us only days ago about it. I'm sure he doesn't know when my birthday is either.

"How did you know?" he asks and I shrug with a small smile. "Did you see it on my foster papers?"

"I don't even know where all that stuff is kept!" I say defensively. "Deb and Vic – mom and dad want to know what kind of food you like. We're going out for dinner."

I try not to wince at my mistake. It wasn't the first time I had left my guard down and called them by their names instead of mom and dad in front of Asa. I know he probably wonders why I do that but I'm not ready to tell him yet even though I know that he won't tell anyone else. I know Shale and Yuna are too young to understand but I know that Trixie and Lennon will feel betrayed if they find out now.

"They don't have to do that. It's fine," he says quickly, ignoring my slip of tongue. "I'm used to not celebrating birthdays."

"There's no point trying to say no," I tell him, frowning at his admission. "They're going to take you anyway so you might as well tell us what you like."

"Fast food," he answers and I narrow my eyes at him, wondering whether he really thinks I'm that stupid. "Pizza, burgers and stuff."

"Are you just saying that because fast food is cheap?" I ask and he shakes his head so I sigh. "You're really a handful, Asa."

"I'm a handful?" he asks with a chuckle and I feel heat rise up my neck. "You're worse-" He reaches out to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear and I flinch away.

He looks kind of hurt that I move away from his touch but I can't help it. I'm not used to this. Even though I had been craving his touch during the party and thought about whether I'd allow myself to like him or not, I couldn't get used to him reaching out for me.

I quickly get off the mattress and go to where I hid his gift. I can't think of a better time to give it to him. Everyone will be home soon and we'll have to get ready for dinner. I probably won't get a chance to give it to him in private once they come back because I'll have to give Yuna a bath, help Lennon with her hair and whatnot.

I find the red velvety box and when I turn around, he's standing up, too, watching me. So I take a few steps forward and place the box in his hand. He looks down at it with confusion and I try to offer him a smile when he glances at me.

"Open it," I tell him and so he does. "Happy birthday, Asa."

He stares down at the watch placed in the box and I swear I hear him gasp. He runs his hand over the display and I can't help but smile. It seems like he likes it and it makes me happy.

"This looks really expensive," he breathes and I decide to try to be cocky like he always is.

"It is so you better wear it," I joke as he takes it out of the box and his eyes roam over it.

I turn around, giving him space to check it out on his own when I feel his arms go around my waist. I go still with his touch and as cliché as it sounds, I feel like the world stops underneath us. I feel like all the air has left the room and I struggle to breathe as he turns me around. I dig my nails into the palms of my hands as I face him and I know that my face is on fire. And if he notices, he doesn't say anything. I can feel the box jutting into my back as his other hand reaches to caress my cheek. I'm gazing into his eyes and I see something – longing – and it makes a tingly sensation wash over my body and settle in my stomach.

My eyes flicker to his lips and I hold my breath as he leans in. I feel like my world crashes all around me when his lips touch mine. They're soft, warm and gentle and it's not what I expect. He presses my body against his and I try not to make a sound as his deepens the kiss. I can feel warmth and electricity prickle over me from his lips and his hands on me and it spreads all over. I can't think and I can't move because I'm so shocked but I'm more afraid. Afraid that I'm doing it wrong. Afraid that he only did it in the spur of the moment and doesn't really mean it. Afraid that I'm dreaming. Afraid that one of us will pull away and realize what a mistake it is.

The doorbell suddenly rings and we jump apart as if we've been doing something wrong. We're panting and I feel really hot and breathless. But even more, I feel sadness fill my chest as my fears become reality. I realize that my fear was right and we did make a mistake. He shouldn't have kissed me. I should have pushed him away. What we did was wrong. He's my foster brother and we can't happen; we can't like each other. Deb and Victor would never allow it. It would set the wrong example for the younger kids. It would ruin the family if it didn't work out. So many things are going through my head when he touches my cheek again.

"I really like you, Cal," he says and I almost choke as tears blur my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I murmur. "We can't do this."