━ COLORS | ten ✔️

black.

black was the color of his hair.

"i'm gay. miyoung, i'm gay."

i stayed silent for a little.

so my crush was gay.

my lips blossomed into a smile. it wasn't sorrowful, yet complete merry, it was not understandable. it was a weird feeling, but i could feel adrenaline running through my veins.

---

i couldn't stop smiling because of seeing him discovering who he was, and his comfortable sexual orientation.

i always support homosexuality.

but, then. he was my crush.

still, seeing him discovering his sexuality orientation was precious and a blessing for me.

"chittaphon! it's okay!" i leaned in and hugged him, feeling wet tears dripping on my sleeve. his breaths became faster and faster, his words getting cut off by the tears flowing down.

"i mean, i m... make gay jokes all the time, i was trying to show you my homosexuality, but you seemed to take them as normal jokes. so... yeah." he mumbled, still sobbing. "you seemed to enjoy the jokes, but maybe the truth is so official it feels... bad, you know?"

"what? no! chittaphon! there's no way i hate you! homophobia is a sin!" i hugged him tightly once more, and intertwined his fingers to mine, reaching for his gentle gaze, now turned a bit panicked and out of mind.

"you are always ten out of ten to me! there's nothing wrong with being gay!" i continued. "fuck those homophobes, you're still awesome!"

"thank you. miyoung." he smiled as tears continued to fall from his eyes, and he smiled with happiness. "you're the best person i've had. i want freedom. i want to love who i want. i really do."

"you know... i had been texting and talking to homosexual people to ask how they found out their sexuality. all of them told me their experiences, and it seemed that i had the same feeling. i always told myself that i like girls, but boys just attracted me. but that guy, johnny seo, made me feel truly who i am. i tried to let myself lose to experience my feelings when i first kinda liked him. it wasn't a normal man crush. it felt... true! it felt good. felt different. felt free."

"johnny seo? johnny, the school dj?" a soft laugh was heard from me. "damn, good taste."

"yeah..." chittaphon nodded shyly. "johnny, the cringey dude that everyone actually loves talking too."

he leaned in and laid his head on my thighs. i put my fingers into his soft, black hair and stroked them. why was he always such a kid to me?

wondering if i should keep my feelings in or not any longer.

my mind was twirling around.

but once again, it felt so happy seeing him being happy and relieved.

"and i heard there were rumors about you, which people insulted you very roughly. miyoung. i have a way to fix this." chittaphon straightened his emotions. "you're my friend and what i hate the most is seeing people being hated for things they didn't do. especially by close ones. and you're one of them."

"chittaphon, it's fine-"

"this is a good solution, i promise. and you don't want to get gossiped about like that, do you? be honest."

i looked away, embarrassed. "yeah, true. so what's the plan?"

"just wait."

as his expressions changed, he turned to look at me with a dedicated emotion shown in his gentle eyes, but yet strong and loyal. with a slight smirk on his lips.

---

a/n

this was written by a straight (?) gal ;)) (straight? idk her)

since i was afraid i wouldn't understand fully the lgbtq+ community and may offend some people while writing, i asked some of my close friends and loved ones, those who are in the lgbtq+ community, for their experiences, so i could write more accurately, plus my own ideas.

we're still in the young of age, we may find ourselves liking the same gender, and that's okay! it's the way our hormones work now. but, if you feel sure enough, that you have feelings for your own gender, then it's totally okay! it's not always "just a phase". as i said, i support the lgbtq+ community with all my heart.

also who is even fully straight nowadays we're all a bit gay ;))
i'm mostly straight and my friends even call me confident gay-

update: about 9 months after: guys am i heteroflexible or bi idk fuck help me now the word straight feels weird like ik i have more intense feels for guys but wtf