Dear Diary • Yoongi [Single Father Extra]

Entry #1

I'm pissed at Dad. I know I shouldn't be, but I am, and I can't fight it. It's not that I don't love him. I do. But he's lifeless. He seems to think that he's the only one feeling dead inside. Can't he see us? Can't he see me? Doesn't he know that we're all in just as much pain as he is? No, Jimin isn't my son, but he's my brother, and that means just as much. It's like Dad has given up on the rest of us just because Jimin is gone. It's like that stupid parable in the Bible where he loses a sheep. Yeah, that's bloody sad and all, but the guy still had 99 sheep. What about them? What if something happened to them when the shepherd went looking for the one? What if their stable or whatever caught on fire and they all died while he found his missing sheep? I feel like the 99.

I have this horrible thought that's been eating away at me. I know it's horrible and awful and that I'm a terrible person for thinking it, but...It keeps coming back and I can't stop it. I'm kind of pissed at Jimin because it's his fault that Dad is like this.

But even worse than that, sometimes I just...I wish they'd just find Jimin's body already. We all know he's dead, except for Dad. Everybody knows it, even the kids at school. But every day that goes by without the police finding his body is another day that has Dad strangled in false hope that his one little sheep will come magically skipping home. If they'd just find the damn body, we could all get out of this Purgatory and get on with our lives. We haven't been able to grieve properly or hold a funeral or any of that. We're all stuck in this horrible endless period of waiting. Waiting for what? Some psychopath took Jimin and murdered him because that's what sick people do. Jimin's body is probably rotting in the woods somewhere or in a river, weighted down by rocks, and meanwhile we're all stuck up here going about our lives and pretending like Tomorrow, tomorrow is the day that Jimin will come back. And then when tomorrow gets here, we think it'll be the next tomorrow, and on and on and on. When is it going to end?

[Yoongi's Diary, Entry #1]