Dear Diary • Yoongi [Single Father Extra]

Entry #5

I'm always being blamed for things I didn't do. Well, some of the things I did do, but not all of them.

Like killing the stupid goldfish. It wasn't me. But nobody trusts me.

I guess it's like the boy who cried wolf, right? You do something once or twice, and suddenly everybody's convinced that that's all you'll ever do, that any and every instance of that behavior comes from you and you alone.

The school thing is annoying, but it's not really just that. It's the boy who cried wolf effect, only everywhere.

I said something mean once, and even though I apologized, that's all people expect from me anymore. But it's not even just being mean. Its's other stuff, too. Like one day I said I was too lazy to play with Hobi and he looked all sad so he just stopped asking from then on.

I feel like people take my decisions and use them as bricks to build walls around me and shut me into a box. They try to use what I said in the past as a rule book for what I'll do in the future, but they're wrong. Sometimes I just had a bad day. It doesn't mean I'll always be having a bad day.

Just because I screwed up once doesn't mean I want people to give up on me.

Why does this all make so much sense to me and yet it's completely incomprehensible to everyone else?

I just - I don't know how to say it exactly. I hate the feeling I get when other people think they know me better than I know me and then try to tell me who I am like I didn't already know. Can't anyone trust me, even with myself?

But I guess that's too much to ask.

[Yoongi's Diary, Entry #5]