The Empty Parking Lot Across the Street

Part 2

      The first few minutes in the car with Jake are engraved in my memory down to the last detail. I don't know cars all that well, but his was small and grey. A typical teenager's choice of ride. Inside there were miscellaneous objects and soda cans scattered throughout the thing. He was wearing the same type of clothing I had seen him in before: sweats and a tank top that was actually covered up by a smooth, school ballroom team logo jacket with his name embroidered on it. I also began to identify him with the beanie he wore again as well.
      In my mind, I was probably the weirdest, silliest girl he had ever met. I joked around about "James Bond-ing it" out of the car if he were a psycho killer or rapist, to which he replied by promising me he wasn't that kind of guy. We ended up at one of my favorite parks nearby where he decided to play hide-and-seek in the dark, quiet, empty area. It got cold enough that we agreed to find a place to park and chat inside the car. Of coarse we ended up cuddling in the passenger seat "because we were cold". I was the shyest, most innocent girl I knew, and here I was cuddling with a boy two years older than me in the front seat of his car at 2 O'clock in the morning.
      At this point in my life, I was going through a lot of depression and had been self-harming. I felt like I could tell him anything but I was too shy to put it into words. I ran his fingertips over a recent cut and he seemed to understand what it was and instantly held me closer to him. He told me he was there for me and that he wanted to see me stop hurting myself. He became my world and I instantly fell dependent on him. He gave me my first kiss which he had hinted at me about in text messages and I was hooked. It felt weird at first, but it would soon be regular.
                                                                                                   ~
      Being so young and inexperienced with this kind of attention, I became obsessed with talking to Jake every chance I could through text. We talked about seeing each other again, but for some reason he was only available to sneak out... For complicated reasons, I had moved next door into my grandma's house where I felt happier in general, but she was a light sleeper and her doors were too loud to get away with sneaking out. I had to arrange sleeping over back at my own house next door whenever I wanted to see Jake. The second time we snuck out, I learned how easy it was to arrange this on weekends.
      It became the only thing I wanted to do. Weekends turned into school nights... I wanted to see him more than once a week. My grandma started to question why I wanted to sleep over with my sister on those nights. I knew my dad started to wonder as well. Every night I went out was totally worth it to me at the time though. Jake and I were always able to sneak out and get back to our houses without getting in trouble or caught.
      I watched for Jake out the living room window almost every time if I was ready to go. I waited for his car to inhabit the empty parking lot across the street in the same place where he would wait. Sometimes he would get out of the car and greet me with a hug. I remember one time he hid behind a bush to scare me when I approached the empty car. We would get right on our way.
      We developed a pattern of visiting the nearest Walmart where he would so graciously buy me my favorite tea drink. It became a routine to go get a Razzleberry Peace Tea to share while we settled into a spot by the park to give each other warmth and kisses. I would try to steal his special beanie in attempt to be cute and have him come after me. Sometimes he offered it to me because I was cold. Remembering that I had a past of self-harming, he checked up on me physically to make sure I hadn't hurt myself. One night, he came to my rescue because I had cut my sides and I needed comfort.
      I was fairly generous with my kisses and cuddles. He told me I was a good kisser regardless of my inexperience. I didn't let him do too much though. Touches were strictly limited to my face, torso, shoulders, and nowhere near my butt or inner thighs. Again, I was 15, and had never experienced making out or even cuddling. I wasn't comfortable with any extra attention anywhere else. He respected that. I was comfortable with him though. I could play my music and tell him about my life. "Sweater Weather," by The Neighborhood was a popular song at the time and I loved to listen to it. I watched him fall asleep quite a bit because he would not stay up as long as me. I had to wake him up sometimes, poke him, and call out his name many times so I would not be completely alone in the silence even with music playing.
      Razzleberry Peace Tea, Sweater Weather, the park... All these things and more still to come were soon to evolve into a triggering reminder of what happened between me and Jake...