The Empty Parking Lot Across the Street

Part 4

       I spent 11 days at a hospitalized unit with other troubled teens. We were basically forced to involve ourselves in a schedule planned out every day for us. We had our own room with a bed and bathroom in it. We had to take a shower in a certain amount of time and show up to breakfast, followed by a session of yoga every morning which I actually enjoyed. We were to sit through talks with staff about life skills and how to better ourselves every day. At night, one person would go around once in a while to check on everyone in their rooms with a flashlight to the face. I had serious kitty withdrawals from being away from my cat Chaz, so my grandma gave me a stuffed cat animal while I was there.
      We couldn't tell each other our last names, talk secretively or speak of our emergency room stories. We couldn't wear shoes and had to wear their unit sweats with long shirts to cover up any self harm. No outside technology was allowed, so all the entertainment I had access to was a small radio they gave us in our spare time. I got to call my family members every other night. I used that opportunity to ask my sister to text Jake where I was just so he knew I was alive and not ignoring him. Although it was pretty dumb and I didn't agree with their way of rehabilitation, it was a meaningful experience and there were a couple good staff members that made it unforgettable.
      Because of my home situation, the unit therapist and my dad decided I couldn't be living there for the time being. I moved in with my cousin's to complete rehabilitating myself and be around good, happy influences. They let me bring my cat over on weekends so I could have something comforting during the nights. There was one flaw to this plan... Jake lived a block and a half away from my cousin's house. Just when I thought I was going to get space and time away from him, I just gravitated closer. He knew very well where I was and I eventually gave in to his offer to go see him again. I felt terrible for sneaking out of my cousin's house because I didn't want to fall back into rebellion, especially against my aunt and uncle.
      We met at a corner of the street where we walked to a nearby park and continued our usual flirting and kissing behavior as if nothing happened. It was freezing outside, so he took me back to his house which he was too scared of trying to sneak me into, so we ended up in a car. As soon as he drifted off to sleep, I broke down trying to make sense of what I was doing and what he wanted. He didn't mention anything about getting together. It was apparent that he was less interested in me and more into receiving kisses and cuddles whenever he was lonely. I thought of leaving the car with him there asleep or even waking up to stop me from leaving him.
      I woke him up after I calmed down and told him I wanted to go home. We stood on the sidewalk and I waited for him to offer to walk me at least halfway back, but all he did was tell me I should be on my way, turn away, and go into his house. I watched him the whole time not believing my eyes. I cried walking back in the cold by myself. My feet were getting numb and I could barely keep my balance with my tired legs. I thought of walking far away but I would have felt bad for my aunt and uncle worrying about where I went. Thankfully, this was a night that I had my cat over for the weekend. I had something to comfort me when I snuggled back up in bed and warmed up while listening to "Stay Alive" by Jose Gonzales. I had no idea what was going to happen next.
      I soon became acquainted with a girl in my cousin's neighborhood, Lisa, who I had known since we were little, playing with her and my cousin on her trampoline. One night, while we were at an activity with a bunch of youth, we had an interesting conversation that involved sneaking out and a boy named Jake... "Wait, Jake who?" I demanded to know. Everything I was stupid enough to believe unfolded. I wasn't the only one. She tried to reassure me by saying she hadn't snuck out with him for over a month, but I was seeing him at that time. Apparently they were in a short relationship that I was unaware of and it made her feel even worse about him when I told her I was seeing him while they were together...
      

      No wonder he never had time to see me during the day. He lived far enough from me to keep his real life a secret. I was a second life he lived. Who did this guy think he was? What else was he hiding?