Transmission from the Trickster

Chapter 26

A/N Sugarland totally ruined this Red-era newly released masterpiece by Taylor Swift and I will never forgive them.

"I didn't mean to," Gabriel continues. "But, you know, Briggs owed me, and he wasn't following through, so I went to mess with him a little bit. How was I supposed to know the vacuum cleaners would suck the entire crew up?"

"And they had never even heard of a vacuum cleaner?" Jack says in surprise, reciting something Gabriel had said earlier.

"Nope. Vacuums weren't invented until way later," Gabriel says. "But I had skipped ahead, seem where the world was going, so I knew what they were. It's not like I invented them. I just made some that were bigger and stronger than normal ones. Honest mistake, really." It's very clear in his tone of voice, however, that it was not actually an honest mistake at all, which Jack seems to find hilarious.

"So you're saying you were responsible for the disappearance of the Mary Celeste?" Sam says incredulously.

"Oh, you've heard of it?" Gabriel says in surprise. "That was, like, a hundred years ago, wasn't it?"

"I think it was a little more than that," Sam says. "But unexplained mysteries like that don't go forgotten that easily."

"Seriously?" Gabriel grins. "How many of my other tricks went down in infamy? Quick, what other random mysteries can you think of?"

"Uh..." Sam racks his brain for something to spit out. "I don't know. Amelia Earhart."

Gabriel lets out a low whistle. "Talk about an asshole."

"Amelia Earhart was an asshole?"

"Oh, no, not her," Gabriel says. "The dude she was flying with. I think his name was Fred. I don't know. It didn't seem very monumental at the time. Yeah, for some reason that I definitely had nothing to do with—" He adds a wink as if his sarcasm wasn't obvious enough. "Their plane just randomly started going up and up and up and up and never came back down. Amelia always said she liked the sky. Well, now she's part of it. Forever."

Sam can't help but laugh at that. Dean shoots him a glare, which reminds Sam that laughing at people's unnecessary deaths is wrong, and he manages to stop himself.

"And this is what you do?" Ketch says incredulously. "You kill people for sport?"

"As opposed to killing people who get in the way?" Gabriel rolls his eyes. "You're in no position to judge, Mr. Ketch. At least I embrace the concept of being a cold blooded killer."

"Did you just call him Mr. Ketch?" Dean asks, fighting back an amused smile.

"Yeah, it's a habit. And, actually, it's very good manners, not that you'd know what the word means."

"How is that a habit?" Dean asks. "You never talk to him."

"No, but Asmodeus would call him that on the rare occasion I was eavesdropping," Gabriel says. "It just kinda stuck."

"Who's Asmodeus?" Mary asks.

"King of hell," Dean replies.

"I thought Crowley was the king of hell," Mary says.

"He was," Sam says. "Hell's gone through a lot of kings recently."

"Yeah, first it was Lilith, then Lucifer, then Crowley, then Lucifer again —" Dean begins.

"Ah, no, Abbadon was in there, too," Sam says.

"Oh, right, so Abbadon, and then Lucifer, and then Crowley again, and now Asmodeus, and there were a few periods of no ruler in there, too," Dean says.

"And I thought Heaven's politics were rough," Gabriel mutters.

"Heaven hasn't been much better," Castiel says. "I believe it was Michael, Raphael, Naomi, and Metatron, and now they're fairly self reliant."

"And Cas played god a few times, too," Dean adds. "Really, it's just all been a mess. America's political world may be corrupt, but at least its consistent."

Gabriel just shakes his head at that. "I miss living in blissful ignorance."

"Didn't seem that blissful to me," Dean remarks.

Gabriel shoots him a glare, knowing exactly what he means. "Before that, asshat."

"Before what?" Mary asks, completely lost.

"Well, Gabriel —" Dean begins, but he's cut off.

"Is under no obligation to share that with you," Gabriel finishes. "Sorry, Mare Bear. Some things don't need repeating."

"I'm not entirely sure what is happening right now," Jack announces.

"Join the club," Mary mutters.

"Can you tell us more stories?" Jack asks the archangel excitedly.

"Always," Gabriel says with a grin. "Where to start, where to start..."

"Nowhere," Dean deadpans.

"Scotland? Good idea, Dean." Gabriel flashes him a smile before turning his attention back to Jack. "Well, I got bored one day and decided to test out my family's legacy. You know, my dad, God, He created everything. That's kinda His whole deal. So, I figured, if He could make a whole universe, I could make one little fish.

"So, I went over to the Loch Ness -- a really beautiful lake; you should check it out some time -- and tried to make something new, adding my own little spin on the typical Dad-given creation, but I guess I got a little carried away, and —"

"Are you trying to say you made the Loch Ness Monster?" Dean asks.

"Aw, my little fishy's famous?" Gabriel says with a grin.

"The Loch Ness Monster isn't real," Sam protests. He remembers John telling them that when Sam learned about it at school one day.

"If that makes you feel better, then sure," Gabriel says mysteriously.

"What's the Loch Ness Monster?" Jack asks.

"It's this little fish in this river in Scotland," Gabriel says. "Except he's not very little and he's not really a fish."

Jack cocks his head in confusion, squinting at him. "I don't understand."

"No one understands," Gabriel replies. "That just makes it so much better."

"How long ago was that?" Sam asks him curiously. Before or after the legend is the real question.

"Oh, I don't know," Gabriel drawls. "When was Liz queen?"

"Liz?" Dean repeats.

"Elizabeth," Gabriel specifies. "Queen Elizabeth."

"Were you guys friends?" Sam asks. 

Gabriel chuckles. "Well, let me just say that she really didn't deserve the title of Virgin Queen."

Dean gives him an approving look. "Was she any good?"

Gabriel grins. "Man, you got no idea."