The Problem with Patrick || Fall Out Boy

i'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake

Pete's decision to postpone a couple more shows was one that he did uncover, without really telling Patrick what he was doing or why he was doing it. He knew that telling his friend that he didn't really think he was in a place to be performing wouldn't go down very well, and working with their band manager to come up with a reasonable solution.

The album was going to be released soon, and it was going to be amazing. Only a couple more months until Fall Out Boy could proudly hold 'Take This to Your Grave' up to show. And so with the release a good distance away, the label had begrudgingly agreed to launch a tour – a nationwide tour – and transfer all the tickets for the shows before the release to tickets to the tour after the release. That way they didn't have to refund anyone, just transfer, and with a bigger tour came the opportunity to sell even more tickets.

Sure, there were a couple of people who complained, but with a few blog posts about how it was for Patrick's health and how it would be a better show if they waited till the album was out, Pete had the situation all under control. Well, mostly.

Yeah, the band and the shows and all that was sorted out, but Pete still felt like he was stumbling in the dark when it came to helping his friend. It was good that there was no more alcohol in the house now, but now it had become a nightly thing where Patrick would creep into Pete's room in the middle of the night. He always refused to talk, and just wanted silence, which was weird, but understandable. Pete knew it was just about not being alone, but he still felt pushed out, and he still felt that if Patrick just let himself talk about what was going on inside his mind, he'd feel a tonne better and possible be getting at least an hour's more worth of sleep a night.

But Pete couldn't force him to talk. He couldn't force him to do anything. He just had to be as open and supporting as he could be and hope that his friend would open up in his own time. It just had to be that his own time appeared to be six eternities.

"One month today, Patrick!" Pete waltzed into the kitchen wearing a huge grin. "One month and then our album is gonna be out like, everywhere!"

Patrick glanced up from his morning coffee at his friend and rolled his eyes playfully. "Relax, Pete. There's still a whole month to go."

"I know, but I'm excited!" He laughed, bouncing around while making some toast for the two of them. "It's gonna be amazing. And tour, oh my god, tour! You know we're actually gonna get a proper tour bus this time?! No more vans or crap like that, we're getting a legitimate tour bus!"

"Seriously?"

"Uh huh." Pete responded excitedly. "It's gonna have a TV and beds and a bathroom and it's gonna be amazing."

"Hmmm." Patrick hummed softly, taking another sip of his beverage. "Wait, so what are the show dates?"

"So, the album is gonna come out on May 6, and we're doing a celebratory show that night at Riviera, and then we have another show a week later here again, and then a week after that we leave on tour!" Pete was really, really damn excited at the prospect. All he did really was bounce around excitedly as he discussed all these amazing shows he was gonna play and all these amazing people he was going to see as he went around the country.

Patrick, on the other hand, sat there and stressed. He had one month to transform from this mess of a person to an amazing rockstar. Pete was already there, he was completely, 100% ready to tour at a moment's notice and had no problems getting up on stand and was just, well, ready. Patrick knew that he was gonna have to shape up real fast for this tour. He wasn't even sure if he was ready to get up on stage yet. He hadn't done so since that stupid show in December. It was April now, and despite the weekly psych sessions and all this spending time at Pete's house and all that, he felt very indifferent from that rock bottom spot that Pete had found him in.

Part of him wanted to get up and say that he needed more time, but he wasn't going to do that to his friends. This was their dream. This was what they had worked so hard for. It wasn't fair on them if he decided to pull out last minute for selfish reasons. He just had to suck it up, sing his heart out, and hopefully not focus on the crowds out in front of them...

"Hey, 'Trick, buddy, you're looking a little pale, are you feeling okay?" Pete asked as he presented his friend with a plate of toast.

Patrick suddenly wretched, and bolted out of his chair and to the kitchen sink, where the contents of his stomach found their way out of his body. Alarmed, Pete immediately ran over to his friend and offered a gently back pat of support, while Patrick just continued to throw up.

When he was done, Pete offered a napkin and a glass of water, and Patrick slumped back on his chair, thinking about the events that had just happened. That wasn't even actually getting up in front of a crowd. That wasn't actually doing anything at all. He'd literally pictured a crowd in his mind and physically thrown up because of nerves.

If it was just thinking about a show, what was it going to be like when Patrick actually got up there?

Pete had handed Patrick a box of aspirin and was already talking about some stomach bug that was going around, before going on to discussing the possibility of maybe seeing a doctor because it didn't seem to be very nice. Patrick just hushed him and assured him that it was all fine, and he wasn't sick, and it was just a one-off and he was thinking about something kind-of gross and that was what make him ill.

Pete didn't pry any further, but had his suspicions about what Patrick was meaning. He just offered another glass of water, and casually mentioned he had another appointment with his psych tomorrow, before leaving the room to go get ready for the day.

For someone who told themselves to update this once a week, I'm really doing a good job of sticking to schedule, aren't I? Anyways, I hope you're enjoying this, and get ready for a whole rollercoaster of emotions coming up soon :)