The Problem with Patrick || Fall Out Boy

i only want what i can't have

Patrick wasn't proud of his actions at the karaoke bar, and the third thing he did after getting up the next morning was apologise profusely to Pete (his first action was to throw up and secondly to take a couple of aspirin with some water to try and get rid of the pounding headache). He wasn't really sure what exactly he was apologising for, something along the lines of his behaviour, making Pete get out of bed in the middle of the night to come and get him or maybe for throwing up a little on his bedsheets. He had attempted to rectify the situation by cleaning the sheets, but it still wasn't enough to make up for his terrible actions the night before.

To be honest, he didn't remember a whole lot. He remembered going out, getting nervous and shaky, and then the first couple of drinks. Then it was a bit of a blank until he was up on stage singing 'I wanna dance with somebody', and then everyone staring, then more blanks until he was at home in Pete's bed. But just because he didn't know every single little thing that happened didn't mean that he didn't know he was a complete idiot and shouldn't have gone near the bar at all.

He was trying to make Pete proud. He was trying to prove himself as a good singer and try to improve his crowd performances, but as always, he just humiliated himself and his friend as well. It wasn't a good feeling to have, and after the apology, Patrick sat at the kitchen bench with his head in his hands as Pete ran around making breakfast.

"Look, Patrick, it's not that bad, it was just one night, and to be honest, I'm glad you drunk dialled me. Otherwise how would you have gotten home?" Pete was doing his best to try and turn this into a positive after seeing how badly his friend was beating himself up over the event, and wasn't really succeeding all that much.

Patrick just groaned and put his head down on the benchtop. "Why do I keep doing this to myself, Pete?!"

"I dunno." Pete replied honestly.

Patrick groaned for a second time and took a drink of his water. "I just wanted to do something right. I was gonna practice in secret, and build myself up to the big crowds, you know? Just, to be able to prove I was able to do anything."

"And it was a good idea, 'Trick." Pete put a hand on the smaller man's shoulder, and sighed to himself. It was easy to understand that he just wanted to improve, but it was always disheartening to listen to Patrick talk about his failures like this. If Pete had it his way, Patrick would do everything perfect every single time. Well, in fact, in Pete's mind, he believed that Patrick was already perfect in every way, but that was a conversation for another time.

"What if I helped you, you know?" Pete offered. "I could come with you to the bars and stuff. You trust me, don't you? I could just, be there to support you. We could work our way up. We'd start at like, a middle of the day session, and maybe work ourselves up to peak hour. Hell, I'll get up there with you if it'll help. By the time we play Riviera, we'll be pros!"

Patrick smiled slightly, before it fizzled out. "Aren't we meant be pros already?"

Pete laughed. "Yeah, but to be honest, all the pros fake it. I mean, what about those interpretive dancers? I refuse to believe that they have any proper knowledge of how the dance is gonna go before they get up there. They just bullshit their entire way through, and as do we through every performance."

"We have a setlist, Pete." Patrick was smiling, but was also trying to be realistic here.

"Yeah, but still, all the dancing and walking around the stage and all that shit, it doesn't really matter. Do you think I map out my course around the stage before every single show? Do you see me walking around during the soundcheck to make sure that I have all my steps in order?"

"I guess not." Patrick admitted sheepishly, taking another sip of his water. He was making a conscious effort to continually consume it, plagued by the memory of waking up in that stupid hospital bed.

"Exactly. So, are we gonna go karaoke bar hopping together?" Pete asked with a smile on his face that he hoped was irresistible.

"Yeah, that'd be good." Patrick squeezed Pete's hand. "Thank you, for this."

"That's alright buddy, I'm happy to help you out." Pete straightened up and grabbed the waffles after they came out of the waffle iron. He drizzled them with both butter and maple syrup before topping them with ice cream for quite a sugary breakfast that neither of them really needed, but had every intention of consuming otherwise.

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Pete took Patrick to a different karaoke bar the next day, one in the suburbs and really wasn't very busy at all. There were about 8 people in the lounge when they arrived at 2pm, and 4 of those people were children. Not really somewhere he was going to get experience playing in front of a crowd, so to speak, but it was a start.

When the family currently onstage finished their cover of a Black Eyed Peas song, it was Patrick's turn. Pete had offered to go up with him, but with only a handful of people in an otherwise empty lounge, this was fine. Patrick picked his song, and started out a little nervous and shaky (Pete had almost gotten out of his seat to run up and get him, he'd gone quite pale at the start of the first verse), but recovered and by the time he got to the chorus, he was confidently belting out the lyrics.

Even the kids in the audience had started dancing, and the parents seemed pretty impressed with Patrick's singing ability. They all applauded when he finished the song, and he came down from the stage with a smile he couldn't hide.

Being able to sing in front of 9 people was a start. Now he just had to get ready to play for 9000.