Blood Curse - Red Queen Fan Fiction

Chapter 29

A/N: One chapter to go after this one.

Also, attentive readers might notice that Eve acts erratically or contradicts herself. That is intentional.

Trigger Warning: This chapter mentions weight loss as a result of illness and a figurative tell of a depressed mood. Please read with caution and remember your personal self care. Weight loss is not a good thing.

Evangeline

One noon in early May, I wake too ill to move, too ill to sleep on. A headache drills into my brain, coughs rack my throat. I laid down just before dawn and haven't got enough sleep at all. So exhaustion adds to my terrible state. But I've been decreasing for weeks, as my food has lessened along with the way I make each night. I haven't seen a bed and hardly ever a roof over my head during my aimless walk home which only cumulated my ordeals. While the world around me recovered from winter and bloomed into spring, I've weakened with every day. Now my limits have claimed me, caught me, and I can't go on any longer.

Unless I ask for help.

I have avoided meeting people and talking to them for the months on the road. That's why I walk at night and sleep during the day. In towns, they're less concerned about someone taking a nap during daytime than with finding someone obviously taking shelter in the streets at night. It was so my first dawning morning in the streets of Harbor Bay when the Red man felt the need to wake and speak to me. He was worried at first, but that changed quickly as my Silver blood was too apparent. "You better get back to your gang, before I call the Red Watch," he threatened. After I left, I was astounded I obeyed him. But that was just the beginning of a series of realizations. I acted according to my education, as I was groomed to both obey and to take care of myself, or I'd be an unworthy scion of House Samos.

I adapt to the unknown and grow under the wandering stars Elane loves. The nights of my journey are a comfort, when only my shadow walks beside me in the moonlight and the stars guide me. They fill me with want, but it's a hopeful yearning, not one of unreachable expectations. The night sky is the best reminder of what I crave to return to even when I get lost and delay my arrival, at times when I don't know what the point of all this is. When I smell the forests and look to the stars over the grey darkness of nocturnal Norta, I feel at peace, free, by myself but not alone, yet also desiring to share this with Elane. I enjoy the solitude of the walk because the obscurity of the night distracts me from my insecurities and failure to serve my house by running away. I let them fend for themselves in a war for months. But I can't help them now, and I expect them to meet me with scorn once I come home. I suspect if I walked during the days, I'd delay even more because I'd see this too clearly – and remember Tolly too much. The life in the sun has become too bright for me.

I pack my things haphazardly and sling my sleeping bag over my shoulder in wish to stay warm and protected. I'm not sure I need that. The day isn't as cold as others, and I feel the feverish heat rise inside of me. But I can't let go, fearing the cold even more. As I walk back to the town I remember passing lately, I see the cabin I slept in yesterday. I must've made only 3 kilometers last night, at most. Of course, I've already been sick, and wishing it'd pass by itself. It didn't, according to my terribly bad luck. Instead of going on, I get inside and lay down again.

How weak of me. How unworthy. I thought I could do this on my own, easily return to the Kingdom of the Rift after I left in shock. Finally free of the interferences by anyone, I'd have achieved something by myself, an adventure from which I'd emerge at the Rift like its savior. But it has turned into another long failure for which I can only blame myself – again.

And yet, I feel a tiny piece of relief by acknowledging I've done my best and still failed, something I could've never said to anyone, least of all my parents.