Satin and Saxophones

I Don't Bite Unless You Ask.

"Thank you" I whispered against my hand, my cheeks and heart blushing in the presence of his almost blind compassion. I loved the way he spoke about the things and people he loves. This aura of passion that never ceased to amaze me. Franks hand attached itself to the small of my back once more fitting perfectly into the small dip. "If you need anything you give me a shout, okay doll?" He smiled pointing over to his disheveled bed while leaning around me to start the warm bath water. "There's soap and everything right over there, and tomorrow we'll get you some stuff more suitable for a lady. We are gonna have a busy day tomorrow just a warning." He chuckled while planting a kiss on my cheek and back out of the bathroom shutting the door behind him. With the door closed I could sense how much smaller  the room was. A heightened sense of vulnerability coursing through my veins as I felt my back collide gently with the door in a mixture of exhaustion and frustration. Reaching down to unclip my stockings that's were so thin they felt as if they would disintegrate off of my pale bruised knees. Turning toward the mirror I allowed my red painted fingertip to graze over my cheek memorizing the look on my face. A foreign expression that proved me a fool in the appearance of happiness. 

"There's something about him" I whispered to myself as my fingers slipped under the hem of my dress pulling it up and over my head. Turning away from the mirror a sense of shame overshadowing the pureness of the way I felt. As I peeled the white brassiere of of my pale skin , a cascade of white tissues began to cloud my feet causing me to sigh heavily in both the sudden lightness and annoyance as to my biology. The sense of vulnerably was what got me the most, a cloud of cold air engulfed my body quickly reminding me of my bare state. Goosebumps began to bubble onto the surface of my skin over every square foot. My mind wandered to the last time I had taken a bath. I remembered the lingering smell of mother bubble bath, and the way Mikey never could leave me alone long enough to relax. Little things like those always reminded me of the things that fit the definition of home that i'd never be able to recreate. As I stepped into the warm water I felt my nerves fizzle into a submission of calmness. As the water rose over my chest I felt aches and pains that I thought would never leave lift off of me and settle into the bottom of Frank's porcelain tub. 

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"Did you have a good bath?" Frank asked as I opened the bathroom door in a great deal of hesitation. It was all fine and well to be recognized as a woman when my face was all made up, and I had on a dress. But wet wavy hair, a bare face, and Frank's sleeping clothes was a whole other story. I felt like the lonely boy standing in the middle of the catholic school locker room peering into the mirror pulling at every inch of myself wondering why I wasn't growing the way that the other girls were. Only to be mentally reminded of the evidence that hung between my legs that I wasn't like the other girls. I felt like one, breathed like one, and thought like one, but I was unfortunately a boy. I nodded slowly taking tiptoeing steps into the dim light facing a fear that I had been sure for so long I would never. "C'mere babydoll." his lips said curling into a smile as he opened his arm outward to welcome me into the bed. I took small steps toward him my heart taking leaps up my throat so frequent my stomach felt like a trampoline. My knees slid over the blankets crowding the foot of the bed onto the satin sheets and at the moment I could smell him. The smell of him filled my nose and ruined every rational sense I held I couldn't fight the urge to come closer. I wanted to tangle myself beside him, in him, and into his life. All of his dogs followed me up the bed closer to him striking my competitive sense aflame like a match. I wanted to lay my head on his chest so that I could angle  my nose into the crook of his neck just to be as close to him as possible. "Don't worry I don't bite unless you ask." he chuckled flashing his crooked teeth with a small snarl just as my face slid onto his bare skin. I felt home and safe with my cheek rising as he breathed. The sound of his heart beating reminded me in the best way possible of my mom. Reminded me of the sweet moments we had shared before everything, before Gee was fully born.