Heronstairs.

Blackfriars bridge

Will - 1875 (Wills POV)
----------------------------------------

London is just as busy under the stars as it is under the sun. This is a fact Will knows well. The bustle of the lively city blocks out Will's internal turmoil slightly but not enough. Nothing's ever enough. Even Jem can't heal his heart. The cloak of shadows falls away; the skeletal figure of Blackfriars bridge looms above him. A welcome sight. Will clings to the railing like a lifeline; he makes his way towards the middle of the bridge. The river rolls on, oblivious to the trials of the world. It beckons to Will, calls him to its icy embrace. With shaking hands Will climbs over the railing to stand on the ledge overlooking his fate. He can't go on he tells himself. Ice freezes his heart and steels his resolve. A deep breath and...

"Don't do it." The voice is calm but it echoes panic. Will spins around to face his parabatai. Jem, he's the light to Wills dark and out of place in the night. Wills night. "Don't do it Will." His voice is uncertain, scared. Scared of Will, or maybe for him. Moonlight reflects of his bright hair framing his face with a halo of silver.

"Why are you here?" Wills voice comes out as a bitter snarl. Jem raises an eyebrow and takes a step forward. Will wants to snap at him, tell him to get lost but he can't, it's still Jem.
"Why do you think?" Even from this distance Will can see Jems pulse flying. He isn't wearing a coat, Will realises distantly. Another step closer.
" I don't know James! Why are you here? " He didn't mean to shout. Jem doesn't flinch, he steps closer.
"I was worried Will and by the looks of it I was right to be." Jems voice is level but his eyes hold fear. He closes the distance. " why didn't you talk to me Will? I could've helped. " Will wants to tell Jem about everything: the curse, Ella, Cecily, his feelings. No. He can't burden Jem with that.
"No you couldn't." Will hates how defeated he sounds. "Go home James." Hurt flashes in Jems eyes and for a moment Will thinks he'll leave. A fool's hope.
"only if you'll come with me." He places a hand over Wills, his hand is much smaller than Wills with slender violinist fingers and bluntly cut nails, "come home Will." Sadness brims at the corners of his normally bright eyes, Will resists the urge to brush away his parabatais' tears.
"No." He pulls his hand away and turns back to face the river. He hears a sigh and from the corner of his eye he sees Jem pull of his jacket. Jem places both hands on the railing; after a moment he swings his legs over to join Will on the ledge. His shoulder brushes Wills as he catches his balance. "What the! Jem go back! Go home!" he half gasps have yells at his parabatai. Jems silver hair flies around his face as the river breeze tugs at it. He looks terrified but determined.
"Wither thou goest I will go. If you won't come with me I'll go with you." For the first time in his life Will is speechless. Jems shaking slightly although his gaze doesn't. "Come home Will."
"No! Have you lost your mind, what if you slip?" He knows he sounds desperate but he doesn't care. Jem glances down at the seething mass of water below and swallows. In that moment he looks so vulnerable that Will feels his heart breaking.
"I'd imagine I'll fall." How could he even think about joking in situation like this.
" it's not funny James! I won't have your blood on my hands. " at that Jem smiles, he tilts his head to one side and answers,
" then you'd better climb back over that railing. " Will can't tell if Jem sounds hopeful or smug but at that moment he doesn't care. He loves his parabatai.
"Hang it all." He mutters and clambers back to the safety of the bridge. He turns to face Jem who is already struggling over the bar. He tumbles over and lands on his back so that Will is staring down at him. Will nudges Jems side with the toe of his boot, "nice landing Carstairs." when Jem finds his feet he takes a hesitant step towards Will and pulls him into an embrace. Will can't remember the last time someone hugged him. If only Jem knew how much Will loved him. Maybe Jem can heal his heart after all.

Jem - 1878 (Jems POV)
------------------------------------------

His life ran like sand through his fingers, no matter what he did he couldn't stop it. and so James Carstairs found himself standing on Blackfriars bridge. What would Will say? Something sarcastic probably. Jem knew Will loved him but sometimes he wished he'd show it more. Before he knows it he's standing on the ledge. A quick death. A painless death. Jem is destined to die surely he should get to decide how. And when. He just wished he could tell Will how he truly felt. He wished he could tell Will the nature of his love. If only he hadn't been such a coward maybe he wouldn't be here, the absence of hope. He grips the metal bar tighter so that his knuckles turn white. He knows it's the end. The river will roll on as if he'd never existed, maybe it's better that way. He'd give anything to hear Wills voice one last time. He prepares to leap, to fall. Wills voice echoes in his ears 'shadowhunters don't fall they drop' he smiles despite everything.
"I don't know what you're smiling about." Shock bolts through Jem like lightning and he almost slips. Strong arms wrap around his shoulders holding him steady. "Have you lost your mind, what if you slip?" Warm breath stirs Jems hair. Jem twists his head round to stare into deep blue eyes.
"I'd imagine I'll fall." His heart is in his mouth, this is the closest he's been to Will in ages. "Let me go William." Will shivers at Jems cold tone but he doesn't let go, if anything his grip tightens. Jem turns his face away
"Nice try Carstairs. I'm never letting you go." His words are innocent enough but the blush that colours his cheekbones suggests otherwise. Jem scowls and attempts to pull free. "Don't be an idiot Jem if I let go you'll fall to your death."
"Believe it or not that is my intention. Let me go!" anger swells in Jems heart, Will can never understand how he feels. If he did he would hate Jem forever.
"You know Jem we've been here before. Either you come home with me or I'll climb over that railing and go with you." Will pulls Jem backwards against the railing in an attempt to minimise his chances of escape. Tears spring to Jems eyes, he absently fiddles with the buttons on Wills sleeve.
" you'd have to let go if you wanted to climb over the railing. " he hears a sigh and let's his head droop. Gentle lips press against the back of his neck, the breath leaves his lungs in a rush and his heart stutters for a moment. "What are you- Will?"
" I'm here. Now tell me what's going on with you." the air was rife with cold and both boys were shaking. One arm released Jem and for a split second he considered jumping but he quickly dismissed the idea. He felt a cap being pulled into his head, Will carefully tucked his ears into the hat. Jem turned to face a now hatless Will and steps onto the lower bar so he has enough height to safely climb over to the bridge. He lands gently on his feet and is immediately pulled into a heartfelt embrace. "By the Angel James you're bloody freezing! What in heaven and on earth is going on with you?" Jem clings to Will and let's the tears fall freely.
"I can't live like this." His voice is barely more than a whisper but Will hears.
"Live like what Jem?" Wills hands thread Jems silvery hair. The emotion in his voice is clear and it makes Jem want to tell him. Perhaps there is a chance Will won't hate him maybe he feels the same. Is it too much to hope for.
"Not knowing if each day is my last or if the words i speak will be my last. I can't live with all this uncertainty and fear, it's consuming me Will. I can't live not knowing if there was even the slightest chance that..." Jem trailed of with a gasp. He knew Will would never let it be. He was right.
"A chance of what?" Silence seemed the best option at this point. Will pulled away so their eyes were level. " a chance of what Jem? " the concern in his voice was enough to split Jems heart in two. He could tell Will anything, they were parabatai.
"a chance that you could love me the way I love you." A heavy, awkward silence defended on the two.
" how do you love me James? " the hatred that Jem had feared was not present in Wills voice.
"With all my heart and soul." Frustration knitted Wills eyebrows together at Jems careful words.
"I meant in the manner of Eros or Philia?" He had Jem cornered and they both knew it.
"Eros" so much weight and meaning rested on that one word, it hung between them thick and ugly. But surely, love is never ugly. It is a great thing to love as it is to be loved, love is not something that can be wasted.
"What if I told you I felt the same way?"
" I'd say you were lying. " Will took a step towards Jem.
"Then you'd be wrong." His lips met Jems and all at once it was as if everything that was wrong with the world suddenly became right. They belonged together, it was destiny .