Shade Boy ~prinxiety~

*18*

(It's been a fuckin w h i l e)
It's only been a few days and I've already considered trying again. Logan definitely makes sure I am aware that he agrees with that thought. He's been - what could be described as - stopping Patton from talking to me, so my only company is either depression or roman, and honestly, neither are ideal.

So of course, here I am, alone. In the imagination, because recently it's the only place I can go without feeling on edge about being made fun of or beat up.
I came to think. Logan has been getting worse to me, and I can't help but think a lot more. No matter how dangerous that might be for my mind. What'd I do to cause this spike in violence? What'd I do to deserve all of this?

Yesterday, Logan took me into a room alone, and locked the door, and told me exactly how pathetic and useless I am. He made me feel terrible just for being alive. He did things... things, that he hasn't done to me in a long time. I feel disgusting, but I don't know why. It isn't like it's the first time.

I wonder if Patton has to deal with this. I've noticed recently that their relationship has gone very one sided, Patton doesn't really have a whole lot of control anymore. I hope Logan doesn't do these things to him. I would let him fuck with me as much as he wants if it meant no one else got hurt. Well, I tell myself that, anyway.

I look around the imagination. The park. This has always been my escape from him. From them, from everyone. This is the place I've always been allowed to be myself, despite being told not to. The place I've grown up. Until roman, no one else had ever been here. And I wanted it to stay that way. If I were to jump out of a tree here, no one would find me for a week, and that's comforting. Maybe if I had tried to disappear here, I wouldn't be here right now. But there's no time to dwell on past failures. I'm to busy dwelling on the present ones.

Logan has been acting strangely lately. A lot more open about hating me. Before, he would have never hurt or talked down at me when there are others around. He'd act nice. And he would never hurt anyone else. But I guess people change.

I wonder what his imagination looks like nowadays. We went there when we were kids, for his ninth birthday party, that's the only time I've been in there. Back then it was made to look like the inside of the millennium falcon, but I doubt that's still the case.

I stand up. This is gonna bother me until I find out, now. If he catches me, the worst that can happen is I die, and I'm more than fine with that. And so, I decide to make my way to his mindscape. I poke my head out of the door of my own and look around the hall. No one around. Stepping out, i shut the door, and walk down the hall, trying to find that ever moving imagination door that belongs to Logan. And I keep looking, until I'm pushed against the wall face first. I can't move. I can't move, I can't move, I can't move I can't-

"Well, well, well, look who it is." I hear, hissing into my ear. Logan has me pinned, armlock behind my back and hair in his fist. scared.

As my breathing picks up, he spins me round to face him, a hand smacking against the wall either side of my head, making me yelp quietly, but of course making him laugh. He kicks me in the shin, causing me to fall to the floor, and I get another kick to the shoulder and the side the steel toecaps easily bruising my soft skin. I guess that's all he came for, because after that, he just laughs again and walks away.

I just lay there for a while, not having the strength or energy to will myself to move, so I just lay there and force myself not to cry. It must have been at least twenty minutes before I saw roman come around the corner of the hallway, my vision gone blurry. As soon as he saw me he rushed over, saying a thousand things at once, but I couldn't hear. He picked me up, but I didn't feel it. He took me somewhere, but I didn't see where. I see red, but I don't see where it's coming from. I feel my eyes close. I can hear him call my name, but I can't bring myself to open my eyes. I can't brings myself to care.

(Sorry it's been a while! I haven't had a lot of motivation and school was there, but luckily yesterday I didn't have internet and I had a spike in imagination so yeah hope this is ok)