So on saturday, there was a boy at my game. He was staring, he looked up whenever someone said my name. I thought he was gorgeous. I thought he was staring because he thought I was pretty or funny. Turns out I was probably wrong. In his eyes, I'm probably ugly and stupid. I convinced myself that it was because i was funny and pretty. It made me feel happy. But the truth hit me today. I realised that nothing was ever going to happen, and I'm not what i thought he thought of me. I came home and cried because I felt stupid. I've started to exclude myself. My mum knows there's something wrong but I don't feel comfortable telling her. I don't know what to do, say or think. I don't know who to talk to. I just want to cry because I'm so stupid. I'm so gullible and idiotic. Like who thinks that a random stranger would like them after seeing them a couple of times. That only happens in movies. And I quickly realised that this isn't a movie. But in the worst possible way. I don't even know why I'm so upset. I didn't even know him.
School started yesterday. It was awful. I wanted to throw up all day. Being around all those people who make me insecure and anxious, was the worst thing. I wanted to give up. I still do if I'm honest. I'm starting to feel like i'm a monster, and that I can't be saved. I feel like I'm too far gone to be rescued.
But anyway. That's my week so far. I can't silence these stupid thoughts in my head. I think it's slowly killing me. Sorry, that's really deep. I should go. I really need to do homework ( because that's more important then my sanity )
Love,
-Tayla x
YOU ARE READING
Letters To Me
Random!TRIGGER WARNING! - May contain Disturbing scenes, depending whether I decide to put them in. Started on the 13th Of October 2017. Just letters to me with all of my secrets ;) I may add a story line eventually but idk
