I'll Protect You, I Promise

Broken Pieces of a Man

Steve's sweet moment was disrupted by fractured Russian and loud shrieks from the man who, being peaceful just seconds before, was thrashing around. Steve just sighed and placed the notebook and pencil down before getting up. He walked calmly over to the man and crawled on top of him, sitting just above his pelvis.

"Bucky," Steve spoke softly, yet with force. "Bucky, come on, you have to wake up."

The unconscious Bucky tried to hit Steve but Steve moved slightly to his left and caught his arm.

"Bucky. Wake up." Steve looked down at the man. "Please, you have to. I don't want you to suffer. Please."

Bucky shook off steves grip and swung his arm again, this time hitting a stunned Steve in the face. Steve touched his jaw, No blood, that's good.

Steve grabbed Buck's arm and pinned it to the bed. He leaned down to Bucky's ear and whispered, "Bucky, come back to me."

Steve felt all the tension in the body he was on top off disappear and he let out a breath.

"Oh thank god." He said as he let go of the arm and sit up to look into the iced-over blue eyes of his former fellow soldier.

Bucky cocked his head giving Steve a what-the-hell kind of smile. "Um, Steve? Do you have something to tell me?"

Steve gave a half-ass laugh, "You punched me."

Bucky bolted up, pushing Steve off of him. "What the hell Rogers? What happened? And not just right now, everything"

Steve frowned, he knew it would happen like this. He had just hoped to tell Bucky himself and not have something to explain, like this. "You want the truth?" Steve asked slowly.

"Yes, and the whole goddamn sob story of the truth," Bucky said.

Steve took a deep breath. "Okay. Now, I'm assuming you heard my conversation with Nat?" Bucky nodded. 

"Well, as you know you've been having nightmares and not just last night, they've happened everytime you fall asleep. You'll be peaceful, normal, but after a while, you start to toss and turn, like normal nightmares. And that's how it all started the first three nights, then it got worse. You'd try to hit me, but only sometimes. You would scream though. Really loudly, like someone was hurting you. And just this week you got worse. You'd always sound like you were drowning, you look like it. You barely breathe and even then it's only grasping. Nat said the nightmares would stop or they get, well, you could kill someone or you could kill yourself."

Steve's breathing hitched as he searched Bucky's expression. There had to be something there that told him he could stop, but there was nothing. He was lifeless.

"Nat said you should find a therapist or you should take T'chala up on his offer."

"No," Bucky said quietly, a storm building up inside him. "I'm not going to strangers for help."

"It's whats best for you."

"That's bullshit. What would have been best for me was you telling me what was going on, instead of you having secret calls with Nat. But no." Bucky took a breath, trying to calm himself, but it was too much. Steve, of all people, should have told him what was happening. "This is life and death, Steve. I could kill you! So why the hell did you not tell me?"

"Bucky, I'm sorry. I should have told you, but I wanted to make sure that it was actually something to be worried about."

"Well, are you worried now?" Bucky snarled.

"I've always been worried, Buck. You've been under Hydra control for 70 years! I had to be sure."

"That what? That I was still a puppet? Gee thanks Steve for your consideration."

"Bucky"

"Oh, don't you Bucky me. I could kill you and not even remember it! Do you even know what that would do to me, Steve? You are the only good thing from my past. If you die, what then? I'm already broken. Hydra could easily come back to haunt me."

"I'm not going to die,  you're not going to kill me, and Hydra sure as hell won't get you back."

"Well, I see you holding your jaw. I hit you right, at least enough for you to bring your hand up and wince every 20 seconds."

"I let my guard down," Steve grumbled.

"Well, that's the problem." Bucky threw his hands up in the air. "We both let our guard down and one-day that's going  to be the end of both of us!"

"Bucky, please. No one's going to die."

"Can you tell me that it's a given?"

"No, I can't."

Bucky went quiet for a few minutes. He carefully contemplated Steve's response. No one could really be sure. 

Then Bucky whispered something almost inaudible. "I'll always be a monster."

Steve's head shot up and he looked into the other man's tearing up eyes. "Don't you ever say something like that. Don't you ever. You are not a monster." Steve said forcefully. There was no other way left.

"I am."

"Not to me."

Bucky looked at Steve, finally letting his tears fall. Steve would never see him as a monster whether or not he grew fangs and started sucking the life out of people. This man's purity was going to get him killed.

"How long since I kissed you last?" Bucky redirected bashfully. "And not just a peck on the cheek, a real kiss."

Steve's eyes got wide and he gave a little laugh. "Some 70 and more years ago, before everything started."

"Then I say we're long overdue." Bucky leaned it closer to Steve, but he put a hand on Bucky's chest stopping him from getting any closer.

"You can't just yell at me and then kiss me. It doesn't work like that."

Bucky smirked, "Used to work though."

"Yeah, but I won't kiss you until we talk like adults about everything."

Bucky sat back crossing his arms. "Fine."

"Bucky, I shouldn't have kept things from you. It was wrong I'm sorry."

Bucky rolled his eyes, "Great apology. Anyway, I still believe that I could kill people but maybe I should start talking to people, but not strangers. And if it's alright I'd like to talk to Nat since she's really the only one who knows everything that happened to me and if she's now stable then maybe she can help me too."

"That sounds like a great idea."

"Okay. Now that we've talked, can I kiss you?"

Steve rolled his eyes, "Yes."

Bucky leaned forward a second time and put his hand on the back of Steve's neck to pull him to his lips.