I'll Protect You, I Promise

Moments of Heaven

Everything was, for at least a few seconds, perfect.  

With Steve's lips on his, Bucky felt safer than he usually did. He felt the same way he did when Steve would hold him, but this was so much more. They had each other and for the first time in a long time, their actions and intentions were pure. Bucky didn't have to fight the world for Steve and Steve didn't have to fight his friends for Bucky. 

Bucky didn't want anything more than this, his lips on Steve's. To ask for more was selfish and besides what else did he need? He had his heart on his lips and pressed against him. This was what he wanted more than the world. He could have someone love him for him and not see the monster first. Steve was the only one who truly made him feel loved and Bucky would suffer a million years of Hydra tourture just to get to come home to Steve.

Steve had missed the way Bucky felt, the way his lips felt against his. They were softer than he remembered. Steve let his hands lingered on Bucky's bare skin, right below his shirt. He was still human, the warmth of his skin blantlently said so, even if Bucky wanted to protest it. He loved the way he got to hold Bucky to him. They may have changed, but Steve still fit perfectly against him. 

They broke apart, resting their foreheads against each other. Bucky brought his hand up, gently cupping Steve's cheek.

"God," he said, his eyes sparkling with something that had been dormant for several decades. "You are so beautiful."

Steve's face melted into a one-in-a-kind smile specifically reserved for Bucky. He wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in Buckys chest. Steve mumbled, "Say that again."

"You are beautiful," Bucky whispered as he pulled Steve back, so they were both laying on the bed. "Stay with me."

Steve readjusted his position. He propped his head on Bucky's chest to look at his face. "I'd love to."

Bucky let his head hit the pillow but kept his arm wrapped around Steve. He traced small designs on Steves triceps with his thumb.  He let the weight of Steve weigh him down to the bed. 

"Can we stay like this forever?" Bucky asked Steve in a hushed voice.

"Sure, Buck."

They stayed there, entwined in each other for what felt like hours. Though, neither could be sure because it felt like time slowed down. They were granted their small slice of normal. There were the occasional sirens or baby's cries, but everything seemed peaceful in that small apartment. Just the two of them, blocking out the rest of the world.

"Hey, Steve?" Bucky broke the silence.

"Yeah?"

"What do you say to us going somewhere away from all this? Like getting a house someplace in the country and get a dog or something. We could live small lives away from our pasts. We could be normal and have ordinary lives. We could start a family."

"Oh, Bucky." Steve gave a sad smile. "I'd love to, it's just..."

"Yeah, it was stupid, I'm sorry." Bucky pushed Steve off carefully and rolled over facing away from him.

"No, no it's not." Steve put his arm around Bucky's waist. "I'd go anywhere with you in a heartbeat, but you can't just run away from your past. It doesn't work  like that, no matter how much we want it to."

"I know, but can't I wish for a better life? One where we're not constantly running?"

"I wish for that all the time, but for people like us, it's near impossible. Except for Clint. He did it."

"What, have a normal life?"

"Not normal, but as close as he could get to it."

"Why can't we have something like that?"

"I don't know," Steve whispered as he buried his face in Bucky's neck. "I don't know."

Dinner soon approached the two. The realization that they'd have to get up and make dinner otherwise they'd go hungry struck the two. Bucky groaned putting his hand over his face. Steve grinned as the wheels in his head turned.

"I made breakfast the past 3 mornings, I think it's fair if you make dinner."

Bucky sat up, giving the death glare to Steve. "Can we just get pizza or something."

"Do either of us have a job?"

"No." 

"So we make food. And in particular, you make food."

"Wait," Bucky sat up, "If neither of us has jobs, how do we afford the apartment or groceries."

"Nat takes out some of the Avenger's monthly income, and since Thor is still gone, Hawkeye's with his family, and Hulk's not here, the only thing to pay for is Tony's food. So we're safe."

"Nat is really amazing."

"Yeah she is, now go make dinner." Steve pushed Bucky out to the kitchen.

"If I make dinner, you need to leave the house for like 40-50 minutes." 

Steve nodded, "I need to go for a run anyway, so yeah, I can do that."

Bucky kissed Steve's cheek before he started to raid the cabinets for ingredients. Steve went back to the bedroom to dig up clothes to run in.

"I'm leaving now," Steve announced, closing the door behind him.

"Bye, Steve," Bucky said to the closed door. However, with his departure came a dorky smile from Bucky. He was planning a nice dinner if all turned out well. Maybe some candles, but that was always too complicated.

Ans as it turns out everything just seemed complicated for him. With one hand multitasking was no easy task, even for just spaghetti and meatballs. Getting the pot of water was easy enough, but then he had to put sauce on, which meant chopping onions and opening cans of sauce. And then the pasta. Then the meatballs. Not too complicated, but then. Then he had to strain the pasta. He had spilt some of the water on the ground, it had just barely missed his one good arm.

"Dammit." 

Thankfully Steve had come back in time to see Bucky struggling with the pasta. He took the pot form Bucky and he strained it being very careful not to get sweat anywhere near the food.

"Thank you," Bucky says, "Now, please go shower. You smell like a gym." In response, Steve gave Bucky a huge hug and then hurried off to the shower. 

By the time Steve got back, Bucky had laid out all the food on the table.

"Thank you so much, Buck," Steve said, giving him another peck on the cheek.

They sat down to enjoy their meal. There conversation dull, talking about their neighbour did this or that and the nice lady at the coffee place finally had her baby. They soon ran out of topics"This is normal, right?" Steve asked.

Bucky smiled, "I guess, but we're still hiding."

"Yeah." Steve quieted, his mind reeling with questions and things he wanted to say, but he didn't know how.

"Hey, Steve?" Bucky knew something was wrong and that he would never admit it,  he wanted to do the one thing he knew best: dance around the question until Steve answer on his own. He knew though, that it wouldn't work this time. "Are you okay."

Steve gave him a rueful smile, shaking his head. "No, not really."