I'll Protect You, I Promise

Wake Up Call

"What's wrong Steve?" Bucky's voice was riddled with worry. "Steve, please tell me."

"It's not important," Steve said, taking a sip of water. Though it wasn't that it hadn't been important, it was just that he doesn't want to share. He had other things to worry about, but he knew in his heart that he had to tell Bucky.

Bucky frowned and set his fork down. "Steve, of course, it's important and I'd want to help regardless."

"But it's not the matter at hand."

"Well, screw that. Steve, you are the most important thing to me, so let me help you."

Steve sighed. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes," Bucky said wholeheartedly. 

"Fine," Steve rested his hands on the table, "Just, don't say anything until I'm done."

"Sure, whatever helps."

Steve closed his eyes. He had to tell someone and Bucky was his best option, he wouldn't judge him.

"It was when I just woke up, that's when things started. I had been unfrozen and woken up. Funny, though, how things work out. Natasha was the one there, she told me about a baseball game, but she didn't have all of the facts because it was a game I had gone to. That's when I knew something was wrong. And outside, everything had changed. There were lights everywhere and the billboards and everything. That was the moment I knew I was lost. Peggy was still alive, I saw her too. She was so old, I missed so much."

His breath hitched, but he kept going.

"And to be called as an Avenger. I was honoured, but the world had gone to chaos. There were gods from another planet and a man in a metal suit, a Stark no less. I fought with them, protected them, and I'm friends with them. And then I find out you're still alive. Of all the things I had hoped, but you didn't remember me. And then there was Ultron and Vision. And then I saved you. Or at least tried."

Steve looked up at  Bucky. His eye missed over and he could do no more than a whisper.

"I have never stopped running since the day I woke up. It's been everything all at once and no one's slowed down. I don't see how I can keep up. It's like the world is working against me. And all I want to do is run away, but how can I? I'd be leaving everyone unprotected. I can't save anyone anymore. I lose Peggy and then I get the chance to bring you home, but to do so I have to break the law and betray my friends. How is that fair? But honestly, I'd choose you every time, every single time. And now I might lose you again. I just want everything to stop, even for 5 minutes."

"Even with it all, I was torn out of everything. I don't even know where our friends went after the war, no one told me anything. Now I'm here and I still have to suffer through everything again and again. I remember everything and even it being in the past I have to suffer through the bombs and screams everytime I want to save anyone. It's like everything we so hard for just disappeared. Why won't it just stop? "

Steve's shoulders began shaking with every word he tried to summon. Bucky got up and walked around the table to sweet Steve into his arms. Bucky carried the sobbing man over to the couch. He sat down, holding Steve close to him and rocked back him.

Steve let himself go. He knew Bucky cared for him, so there was no need to be embarrassed, but he shouldn't be the one crying. He was okay with it though. Bucky always had his back and he made him feel safe.

"It's okay to cry," Bucky whispered every time Steve tried to muffle his tears. "It's what strong people do. We cry sometimes and you've just been strong for so long."

When Steve's tears slowed, though they did not stop,  Bucky thought it was a good idea to say his piece. 

"I know it's hard for you. I know life isn't far and you've missed out on so much. But you, Steve, are one of the most amazing people I've ever met. You never back down from a fight, even without the serum you'd be the first to call bullshit. Sometimes its okay to just slow down and walk, but people like us are all thrown into the fire first. You have the most amazing job, you get to save people, but you have to let others save you too. You need help, so please stop trying to avoid all of this."

"I love you and if you want to stop running, that's okay, but just remember all of the people who are going to miss you and of all the people you fight for and the people you've fought with. Think about Peggy and Dum Dum, Frenchie, Jim, Monty, Gabe, Sam, Nat. They've all fought with you, and knowing Nat and Sam, they're going to keep fighting. Everyone a few weeks ago, they all stood with you. They didn't know me but they believed in you. They believe in you, Steve. Not the flag, the suit, the shield, they believe in you."

"You think you can stop running, but that's all life is, running. No one can stop and the people who do, you don't hear about what they've done. Have you? You can always run with people and when things get tough, they'll carry you. I'll carry you the whole way through if you wanted. All I want is for you to be happy Steve and if that means putting the suit away, then you do that and I'll do it too."

"But you should know how many people you touch by just being you. All you've ever wanted was to help people and that kid, from the ice cream place, he thanked you for it. Just remember how important to people."

"When that doesn't convince you, remember that I love you. I'd go through hell for you. I'd go through Hydra to get to see you're smiling face at the end of it. Because you Steve, you mean more than anything to me, if I lose you, the world will know it and so will Hydra, because they're first on my list."

"I  love you so much, please don't forget that."

Bucky kissed the top of Steve's head, tears now streaming down his face.

"I love you."