Purgatory

Chapter 14

I felt the heat flush through my cheeks with embarrassment as I was being reprimanded by Cole.  His face was stern and filled with anger, and the lifeless body still hung over his shoulder as he yelled.  I wasn’t expecting it, especially since moments ago he beamed with pride as he congratulated Juels on her leadership and dismissed the rest of the squad with a smile.  But he singled me out and had me remain in front of him as he adorned a harsh expression.

“I gave you a direct order, Diederick!” he scolded.  “When I give you an order, you do as I say!  I told you to shoot for a reason!  I am your superior officer, and you will respect my direction, is that clear?”

“Yes sir,” I replied softly.

“I can’t hear you, Diederick!”

“Yes sir!”

“Clean up the mess from this guy and you are dismissed,” Cole commanded as he turned to walk away.  The body still bled out and trickled down Cole’s armor creating a thick line from the lift to where we stood.  He left me to the mess, and I could tell people glanced at me as they walked down the hall.

Gathering as much tissue as I could carry, I reflected on my mistake.  Alvaro was hostile, and in hostile situations we’re allowed to take potentially fatal measures to ensure the safety of our squad.  The beam from the rifle would have incapacitated him or wounded him enough to surrender and drop Juels’ sword.  He could have lived, especially since my shot is not completely accurate yet, and it would have yielded a lesser mess than what I had to clean.

The mission was a success in only that we eliminated a Rogue, but Purgatory preferred Alvaro alive.  But was it completely my fault that he died?  Not only did the man choose that fate for himself, but Cole’s movements drew too much attention to his fate.  If anything, I felt Cole was more responsible for Alvaro’s death in that respect.  Then again, if I had taken the shot Alvaro would have never noticed Cole’s movements in the first place.

I was torn between what I wanted to believe.  I could see in some cases it was my entire fault, but then my mind kept finding other directions that would somehow always find its way back to me.  It was natural for me to want to blame others for my mistakes, and it made it difficult to determine if I truly believed it was my fault.

I threw the bloodied tissue down the waste bin closest to me as I fumed, and I could feel the heat from the incinerator imitating from the opening.  I knew I should have followed orders and respected the chain of command, but Alvaro’s words prevented me from action.  What if he wasn’t completely crazed and there was some truth behind what he said?

The whispers behind that closed door in the medical ward stuck out in my mind.  The soft spoken words were of Death as if it were an individual.  May you find peace through your pain, and may Death carry you to a better place.  I could still recall the words vividly in my mind.

To my relief, the mess left behind by Alvaro soon became little droplets of red against the white flooring of Purgatory.  I quickly swiped up the remaining specks of blood before standing in front of the doorway to the medical ward.  Behind those doors likely held the dark secrets of Purgatory, and I felt a sudden jolt in my body, and a wave of numbness came and passed.

I began to wonder if I could unravel these secrets and how I would go about doing so.  Perhaps an accidental cut through my arm or feign another black out would do.  But what of the repercussions?  I could likely uncover secrets that could prevent my departure from this place alive.  If I could find a way to satiate my curiosity and not get caught, I could leave this place and find a way to expose the entire program.

I walked away from the barren entryway to the medical ward and disposed of the remaining bloodied tissue paper in a bin before heading up the stairwell.  I still felt the sting of embarrassment, and the last thing I wanted was to run into Cole.  I wasn’t even sure if I could hide my humiliation when we convened for our meal.