In Hope Of Falling In Love (A Walking Dead Fanfic)

Chapter 50: Conundrum (Melancholy)

I suggest listening to "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt while reading this chapter. The youtube video should be on the left hand side. Also on the left hand side, is a picture of what I imagine Chloe to look like. I recently starting watching 'The Vampire Diaries' and immediately fell in love with Jenna, who's portrayed by Sara Canning. I felt she fit what I imagined Chloe to look like so well and even her voice was so true to the character. Anyway, on with the chapter, my friends!

"Amnesia," Beth repeated quietly. "Daryl has amnesia."

Chloe placed a gentle hand on her arm and squeezed it. "He doesn't remember anything after meeting you. He has memories of losing the little girl, Sophia, but he doesn't remember after that."

"He doesn't remember me," she whispered. "That's what you're trying to say, isn't it? That he doesn't remember who I am to him, everything we've been through. Daryl doesn't remember anything at all."

The woman beside her pulled her into a tight hug, holding her. "I'm so sorry, Beth. I am so sorry."

"He doesn't remember who I am," she muttered into Chloe's ear, tears already welling in her blue eyes.

She didn't understand. When he'd been shot she'd been there, holding him and caressing his face. If she'd have known this would've happened, she wouldn't have let him close his eyes; Beth wouldn't of allowed him to fall asleep in her arms.

"Hershel said there's a small chance he'll remember, especially after being shot. Something like that can be traumatic for someone, even those as strong as Daryl."

Beth nodded but she didn't know what to say.

"It'll be okay," Chloe tried to promise. "He can learn to love you again."

"I need him," she cried desperately. "I need Daryl. After losing Maggie and Glenn and everyone else I care about, I need him, Chloe."

Her friend squeezed her tight, holding her while sobbed. "Shh, Beth," she soothed. "Rick and Hershel are talking to him, trying to find out what he remembers. He'll remember you, he will."

"But what if-"

"No 'what-ifs'. They only cause trouble, okay? I'll come find you when Daryl's alone so you can talk, okay? Do this for me?"

Beth pulled back from Chloe's grasp and collapsed down on her bed, staying still. Her eyes were red from crying; dark bags under them from lack of sleep.  "If he doesn't ever remember, what do I do? Because, honestly, I'm lost."

"I'll stay a little longer then I'm leaving. I promised Michonne I'd take Neveah this afternoon."

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"Have you seen Daryl?" Chloe asked gently. "Rick said you could probably talk to him. But only if you want to."

Beth sighed aloud, dropping to her bed with head in her hands. Her blonde hair, tied into a messy plait, fell into place over her shoulder. "Does he want to see me?"

"Darling, I'm not answering that question."

Beth wasn't stupid; of course she knew what that meant. Daryl didn't want to see her, he barely knew she existed. He knew her from a name; a faceless girl. After all they'd shared and she was just another brick in the wall to him.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Beth admitted. "I don't know if I can spend five minutes in a room with a man who doesn't remember-"

"This is hard on him too."

Beth's mouth flew open, staring at Chloe. "You don't think I know that?" she spat. "You don't think I know how hard this is on him? I love him, Chloe. I gave him everything, and I mean everything. I was planning to spend the rest of my life with him and he was commited to do the same for me. And now? Now I'm just some stranger who happens to be his fiance."

"You know I didn't mean that," Chloe defended, shaking her head. "You know darn well I didn't mean it like that."

"What would you do if Rick didn't remember you? He woke up and didn't remember losing his wife, falling in love with you, taking your virginity and even meeting you."

Chloe shrugged, staring down at her lap. "I don't know what part of that sentence is the worst. Either the fact you have the guts to bring up his deceased wife while talking to his very-much-alive girlfriend or that you mentioned that I lost my virginity to him."

"Well, looks like we both gave Rick and Daryl everything, right? Atleast Rick remembers it. Daryl doesn't."

"Don't do this to yourself."

The blonde bit her bottom lip, her body violently shaking despite the warmth of her blankets against her skin. "I keep imagining it, you know? The Governor kissing me. I try to shake it from my mind but it's just there and I can still feel his lips against mine the same way Daryl's used to be."

Chloe nodded sadly, lips pursed against her freckled skin. "I'm listening."

"I just think, why can't I remember Daryl's lips? I can remember the lips of a man who violated me but not the man I love."

"I can clearly remember my first boyfriend, Jason. He was an asshole though, didn't have a problem hitting me if I did something wrong or yelling foul things at me. I can't remember what I had for dinner last night, but I remember every hit and I remember the pain of every little bruise appearing. For a long time, I was broken. Until I met Rick, who tried so hard to deny we were both broken. Then, like mosaics, we made something of the pieces and it didn't hurt so much anymore."

Beth laid down on her bed, soaking in Chloe's story. She expected to open her eyes and see her sister lying in the bed across or feel Daryl's breathing on her neck, but those things were a pipe dream in this world.

"I'm know I'm meant to be a good influence on you and look out for you right now but we should get really drunk."

"I've never had a proper drink before," Beth admitted softly. "Maggie promised she'd take me out on my twenty-first and help me pick up a guy but..."

Chloe nodded, standing. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to get one of my wine coolers. Feel free to come with me or whatever, it's awfully lonely drinking by yourself."

Beth smirked, leaning up just in time to see her friend leave the cell. Standing, she trailed after, hoping to get a sip of that glorious alcoholic beverage before she retreated back to her bed to mourn.

She stopped just before Daryl's cell, Chloe no where in sight. She heard the sound of paper, almost like that of a book. Puzzled, she peeped into his cell. There, in his hands hands, was her precious journal.

"Hey!" she called.

The man who used to love her stared at her quizically, lowering the journal. "A girl gave it to me," he defended. "Said it belongs to my fiance."

"Yeah, it does, and I want it back," she returned, hands on hips.

Daryl's eyes widened in shock. Sheepishly, he reached out his hand, thrusting the journal towards her.

Beth stepped forward, taking it from him. "Not nice to look through people's utmost and inner thoughts and feelings, you know. Or has the amnesia got rid of all your morals too?"

She thought she saw a flicker of hurt in his eyes before they turned to steel. "I must have been great, right? Putting up with a bitch like you."

Beth winced, the tone in his voice anything but playful. "Look, I'm sorry, if that means anything at all to you. It's just... I can't believe everything we've been through remains only in my memory. I remember the first time we kissed, but you don't. And the first time we-"

"Fucked?" he offered innocently.

"Yeah, thanks," she muttered, staring across at him. "Anyway, it doesn't matter, right? You don't remember, you never will, that's fine with me."

"Except it's not fine, is it?" he asked, his voice heavily with accusation. "If I never remember, you're going to hate me forever for doing that to you."

Beth shrugged stifly, knowing she couldn't deny it. "Maybe."

"Can you do me a favour? As my fiance. You know me best right?"

"What can I do, Daryl?"

He cleared his throat, eyes searching hers for forgiveness. "Tell me what I was like."