In Hope Of Falling In Love (A Walking Dead Fanfic)

Chapter 55: Heartbreaking Isn't For The Weak

When she dragged him aside that day, the morning after they'd shared a heated moment in her bed, and said they needed to talk, he felt his whole world crash around him.

"Look, we're just not going to work out," she said, voice full of confidence. 

He was at a lost of words and in one sentence, he felt his whole world crashing around inside him.

"It was fun at first, you know, but I feel like I need to move on. You should too. I mean, there are a lot of girls- sorry, women- around here that would be willing to give you a shot."

"I don't want them," he said, wounded. "I want you."

Beth's confidence faltered but her voice still cut like shrapnel. "I don't want you."

"But... After everything we've been through?"

She smiled at him like he was a young child. "It's better this way, alright? I've thought about this, I know this is what I want. A part of you wants this too."

"No it doesn't!"

"You've given me valuable life experience, you've prepared me for life and love and I can't thank you enough, so thanks anyway," she said and even the best of actors could not pull off her fake joy. 

Daryl shook his head, refusing to believe it. "No, this isn't what you want. You love me, Beth. You love me and I love you and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together because that's what people who love eachother do."

"But we're not in love, Daryl," she said gently, touching a hand to his cheek affectionately. "You love me but I don't. I don't love you, no one does."

He recoiled from her touch, the very sensation of her skin on his stun. "You don't mean that-"

"You're wrong!" she said, raising her voice. "I was using you, how could you not see that? I needed someone to break me in. I'm not broken, and you are. Your tragic backstory, like straight out of a television drama, made it so easy to manipulate and use you."

"Why me?" he asked, voice breaking. "Why not Rick or someone else?"

She stared at him with pity, her own heart breaking. "Because you were so much easier, Daryl. Don't you see that? Rick was too much work for me, he was broken and depressed. All I had to do was convince you that you were worth something and you were all over me. I broke you and I did so well."

"You didn't break me," he lied.

"So, when I caressed your hair as you cried, or I touched you in all your sensitive spots or when we had sex, hearing that it was all an act hasn't reignited your self-doubt? Has it torn you apart from the inside out and crushed your soul? Is there a hole in your heart where I used to be before I told you the truth? I fricking hope so, Daryl. You're a little car I took for a spin then decided not to buy anyway."

He couldn't bear to look at her, the realisation that all their private and intimate moments were faked made him sick to his stomach. "You're a fucking bitch," he spat, trying to transform the sadness he felt into anger. 

Daryl left the room, leaving Beth alone to deal with her thoughts. She'd made her decision and lied through her teeth but it didn't mean it would make her life any easier. She had, in fact, been right to guess she would destroy him, she had, but she'd also destroyed a part of herself. Eventually she would heal and so would he and the memories of their past romance would become a joke amongst the other members of their small prison group.

He'd get over it and go back to himself and she would become Beth Greene again, no trace of Dixon in her name. In a few months, her skin would shed and there would be no traces of his touch on her. 

Dear Diary,

I did what I thought was best, in a way it probably was. Daddy always said to think of others but think of myself but he is long gone. Life hasn't been the same without him and Maggie; I haven't been the same. Daryl had me all wrong. He thought I was a hero, I was brave and strong but I'm not. I never saw myself at the finish line- ever- and now I'm here. I won this game. I defeated my enemies and now their skulls sit on my shelves as prizes... Not literally of course. 

I'm no hero. I'm afraid but I'm also brave. I feel lost but I also feel normal. Daryl made me into something I'm not. I am not a fricking princess, I am not a lovesick puppy and I am certainly not dependent on any male. I am a woman and I will gut them before I let them lower my value because I am supposedly worthless. I am a murderer, I am a carer, I am a teacher, I am a friend, I am beautiful and I am worth it. 

So what becomes of Daryl now, you ask? Well, I suppose that is up to God to decide. If he dies or lives, my love will follow him but I will not. I tell myself that I'm strong but I won't be able to help the weakness in my knees when I walk past him. 

I used to be porcelain but now I'm steel and no one is going to break me. Not again, not ever.

I have learned one thing today, though, that proves how strong I am. I broke a heart and heartbreaking is definitely not for the weak.

Beth.

THIS CHAPTER HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER TO WRITE SO I HOPED YOU ENJOY IT. I CAN'T WAIT FOR WHAT'S TO COME! 

DID YOU LIKE IT? ANY OPINIONS OR QUESTIONS?

 LIVE LONG AND PROSPER, GINGER-NOTS. LOVE, AMY.