Things Change

Chapter 1

Hermione's POV

It's been four months since The Battle of Hogwarts. Things haven't changed much. It took the Ministry most of the summer to track down my parents. They managed to restore most of their memories, but pieces of them will never be the same. There are just some details that they couldn't get back. They know who I am and everything. They love me and know I'm their daughter. They know my birthday and about Hogwarts, but the smaller stuff gets fuzzy. If they have to think about my favorite color, the names of my old imaginary friends, or what foods I like, their eyes will glaze over while they get lost in their heads. I keep reminding myself that it just leaves more room for us to make new memories.

Things at home are about the same as before the war, but that's probably because my parents are muggles. They weren't as affected by Voldemort as the other Wizarding families.  I try to keep myself busy around the house and helping my parents or planning mundane things for us to do together. When I'm left alone to my thoughts, the sadness and loneliness consumes me. I should be grateful that I only lost Ron and that I have Harry and Ginny still, but I'm not. Seeing them doesn't bring me the cheer it should. I think it's the same for them. Seeing each other is nothing but another reminder of what was lost.

Nothing seems the same anymore. Nothing will be the same anymore. No matter how hard we try, there are things that you just can't change.

Tomorrow we'll be returning to Hogwarts to finish our seventh year. It will be weird going back since I thought I said goodbye to my school days when we left to hunt horcruxes. I'm also nervous that I might break down the instant I see something that reminds me of Ron. 

I still think about him a lot. I keep trying to sort out my feelings for him. I love him of course, but was it more than the love I have for my other friends? I believed it to be but maybe it wasn't. The more I think about it, the more I get lost in my thoughts and I end up thinking of all the ways he had hurt me in the past. I can't help but think my brain is doing it to lessen the hurt of loosing him by reminding me of the bad. 

Everyone thinks it's best for me to come to terms with it for what it was — the loss of a loved one—so I can properly grieve. I've tried and it's too hard. The wound is still fresh and I'm not ready to accept it.

As I finished packing my trunk, Crookshanks jumped on my bed. He found the one patch of sun and curled up on the bed. I plopped down next to him and stroked his back. I started thinking about Hogwarts. I just wonder who else will be making the trip to Platform 9 3/4 tomorrow. 

***

I sat down across from Harry and Ginny on the train. I already knew this day was going to be tough, but it was made worse by the decision from Harry and Ginny to take a break. I guess I can see where they're coming from, but it pains me to see the way Ginny watches him when he's not looking. From what I know, Ginny said Harry was having a hard time coping and kept blaming himself. No matter what any of us told him, it didn't help. 

I guess I must have been staring because Ginny lifted her hand in front of my face and waved it. 

"Hello," she said jokingly. "Is anyone in there."

I smiled and quickly apologized. I couldn't shake the guilt of sitting here with all of my friends except Ron. I glanced down at the table to avoid them seeing the tears in my eyes. I was thinking about the first time I met Harry and Ron on this train. 

"Hermione, this isn't right." Ginny sighed as she watched me. "You need to get past this and put Ron to rest. He's not coming back." 

I was so stunned I didn't know how to answer. I tried to hold back the tears that were in my eyes because I knew why Ginny was lashing out. She couldn't come to terms with everything and that made her angry.