The Door Next-door

Don't do this to me

It was night again.  And I couldn't thing straight, I just couldn't get my hw done.  I wanted to sleep more than any other night, just to see his face one more time. ( It is strange though to look at the door and not see a face smiling at me or see emotions, or read his body language so that I can distinguish what and when he wants things.  This also brings up the thought does he even think of me or does he even think at all.  Is he just some crazed animal or spirit that longs to pray on the soul of a pre-pubesent girl?) But that shouldn't worry me... I'm in love!   I want to see his tough wood and hard nob.  

I waited a couple more minutes before my brain shut off.  As I was going to sleep I wondered about the time we spent together today. the way I touched him was so unnatural.  And the way I wisperd in his ear as I left.  He also told me his biggest secret. I promise with true feelings to myself, and him that I would tell nobody and keep it hidden away in my heart.  

Slowly falling asleep I heard his voice from earlier I love it, yet I never want him to speak again.  I don't want him to feel the pain he must when I am near.  

wait...

If I was going to see him tonight then I better have a speech prepared to tell him what I want to say. I did some writing and then had the perfect plan layed out ;-----------

"hey"

"I really want you to talk to me because u cant talk at school."

"did u like the lunch I made?"

maybe he would hug a little and then kiss me.

oh a kiss?? that would be most wonderful, I've only thought of kissing him twice and now that I think of it again I want it even more. I need to stop I need to get some rest. I need to, see him.

The dark seen opened once more.  I felt utterly confused and then I remembered him and the plan, looking up I started to see his frame and then the knob and then the top most part of the door.  I looked at him dreamily and then got embarrassed for looking at him for too long.  I'm ready to start a conversation.

"Hey"

"hello maki."

"I really want you-"

"No... I can not talk to you anymore."

"w-what" I sputtered in exasperation.

"you can not be here anymore, I won't let you. It hurts me to talk on the outside but it hurts you to talk on the inside.

"what? I don't understand what you mean!" I say slowly loosing air

"Don't you remember? last time as you started to wake up?"

it was all coming back to her,  she remembered the slow slip of overwhelming pain as she came back to reality. She shivered.

"I can see you now remember.  That is what will happen every time you dream bout me, every time you visit me, all of it.  I don't want you feeling any of that.  You cant see me anymore here."

I started to think but I still knew and decided that it would only be him. "No, I wont do it.  I want you to be able to talk to me without hurting."

"I cant let you hurt instead of me!" he said raising his voice a little.

"I cant bear that thought I wont let you do that" I reply raising mine.

"I will stop the dreams they will and but if I stop them once then that may never connect between us again and I do not want to cut our ties completely.  Don't make me do this!"

I could see his struggle anger and worry and started to comply.  "I don't want you to do that" I say softly looking away. He comes closer pulling me in.  He pulls me into his face and kisses me. I cant believe he did it, he actually did it, i've been waiting for this and here it is.  And he has to leave me.

We pull apart and I wisper to him, almost crying "don't do this to me."

"I'm sorry"