Illusion

02 | Illusion

Oddly enough, I saw her again the next day but nothing much has changed.

"Thanks," she sniffed when I gave her a tissue.

"No fear, I've lots of them in my room."

Kay laughed into the fabric, out of embarrassment, I suppose. I tried to make some comforting speech but when everything seemed alright already, I made proper excuses for an exit.

"May I know who you are this time?" she said behind me.

I turned around and there she was, her hair streaming behind.

"Please?"

I smiled briefly.

"Come on, it's not like I'm from outer space or some kind of demon." she persisted.

I looked around me... watched the shadows shifting behind the trees as the wind blew softly on the branches. Part of me wanted to know her better this time and start living again.

"I'm Aldrin," I said plainly. "Call me Al."

"Kay." she replied.

It seemed familiar.

"You seem to be in a hurry..."

Actually I was. I looked a bit longingly at the canteen, the dorms and almost everywhere but her face.

There was something that afternoon which I couldn't pinpoint. Perhaps it was something in the frosty air and something in the way Kay looked as she waited for an answer that broke my defenses.

"No, not really," I finally said. "Would you like to roam the campus?"

And I saw her smile for the first time.

Night was falling and the sun was almost gone now, casting long shadows that lingered in the misty corners and halls of the old campus. The temperature dropped even more as the day drew to an end and the heavy scent of pine trees pervaded through the air. We strayed from one landmark to another as we shivered in our jackets. We only talked when we felt like it but mostly just had a good look at stuff like they were new and haven't been around for years. Of course I've seen a good deal of the campus since childhood; but walking around it with someone, I realized, it just felt... different.

We paused in front of the sculpted escutcheon bearing the heraldic devices of the university. I bent to the flowerbed and gave her a rose.

She smiled brokenly looking at my simple gift. "We broke up," she said quietly.

"I thought so," I said and searched her face through the curtain of her long hair. "I'm sorry. "

For a fleeting moment I thought she was angry when she met my gaze. "Why are you guys like that, Al?" she asked gravely. "You know, cruel?"

I sighed and shook my head. "I don't know. You're really asking the wrong person."

The canteen was a place of safety. A haven of lost souls seeking companionship nevertheless needing to be alone after wandering for a day. It was almost dark now and like most students, spacemen on tractor beams, we found a table for ourselves.

"I've had enough boys," she remarked without ceremony. She was following a group of them as they cantered with a letter around the room. I could see the distaste in her eyes.

"You're just saying that," I hazarded.

"No I'm not," she said smugly before drinking her coffee.

I stirred my own brew after adding some cream.

"Guys are basically stupid," I began, also pertaining to myself. "But for different reasons. We often act without thinking and sometimes let our actions do the talking. I guess that's what separate us from you girls. But underneath these differences is a similarity that girls take for granted. Like the fact that we are no different from you because we are humans too; we get hurt as much as you and it's even more difficult for us because we can't let it show."

"Then why go through all the pain when you have the whole world to share with?" Her head shot up, obviously having her interests piqued because of my answer.

"Pride perhaps," I said, "we'll never know or probably because we can't admit our stupidities. Sometimes too, it's those people who have everything who really has no one to turn to. So we have to make stupid lies to appear brave outside."

"And die later on? Typical." she scoffed.

I shrugged. "But hurting you is for him to live with and for you to forget."

"The guy with the handkerchief, huh? You seem friendly, Al," she remarked in a different tone.

"You make me sound so eager."

"Are you?"

"Ouch, that's observant of you." I nonchalantly wiped a fake tear from my eye. 

Kay hung her head and apologized. I waved my hand and told her that it is fine.

"I thought I might find you here." someone broke in rather rudely. He had a drawling voice so I couldn't help but look at him. But he wasn't talking to me.

"Here, take a seat," I offered.

He just gave me a bored look and laid a casual hand on her shoulder.

"I thought I told you to stop bothering me," she said evenly gripping her cup.

"We have to talk!" he said firmly.

"So you could dupe me? Forget it."

"I said we have to talk!" The guy suddenly grabbed her wrist.

Kay squealed.

"Hey, you're hurting her!" I said.

"What is it with you?" He spat as he pushed me. I wiped his spittle of my nose.

"You'd better go, you know," said a familiar voice. I turned around and saw the dean's daughter, Abby, with her dinner beside me.

Knowing that it would cause him trouble, the guy grunted as he walked away from us.

"Who was that guy? What was that all about?" I asked when he was gone.

"Oh, that's just Richard Stone," Abby said dismissively. "My dad's headache."

I nodded absently. Abby sat down beside me and started adding cream to her cocoa.

Abby took a sip of her brew and eyed Kay. "I have no idea what people see in him," she said with a shake of her head.

Kay messed with her fork and seemed to wonder about it too. I felt out of place. I've nothing to wonder about but classmates don't just go to a table and confront you like you stole their toy.

"So, were the two of you discussing the assignment?" Abby asked after an eternity. Across the table, Kay took the time to rearrange herself.

"Assignment?" I gulped and splattered myself with coffee.

"Our English assignment," Abby said, emphasizing the word 'English'.

"English?" Kay echoed.

"Duh, Professor Erica wanted an essay," Abby rolled her eyes.

"I know her," Kay said highly offended. "She's my English teacher."

I took a look at her.

"Of course she is," Abby said firmly then her eyes narrowed like the world witnessed something incredible that we were dumb enough to have missed it. "Something's definitely wrong here," she said brandishing a fork. Then her eyes suddenly widened in shock. "All this time you've been talking to her and and you have no idea that she is your classmate?!" Abby half-shouted in disbelief. "Good Lord, I got to get out of college if this continues to happen."

Kay and I just laughed at her.