Illusion

05 | Illusion

She ignored me completely in the days that followed. I tried not to care. Kay and I had nothing going. I always told myself. There were times too when the inevitable happened and we had to talk; but it seems the barrier was getting thicker. The feeling remained even during lunch breaks when we shared a table; distressing long pauses in the conversation that I found hard to explain. Even when I got a new phone and new number, my calls were never answered.

Then she didn't show up at school one day and the world came crashing on me. Anne had gotten tired of me asking her and finally gave in to my questions that time; which to my surprise, Kay was in the hospital.

I went and saw her propped by her pillows staring placidly at a book. I want to wilt.

"Al!" She gulped. "I didn't know you were coming... I mean, you should've told me." She looked around frantically.

I didn't bother answering as I handed her the bouquet which was squashed up already, from a two-hour drive.

A long silent pause ensued. Her mother got up from her seat beside her bed and took the flowers from me. She told me to take a seat.

The chair creaked embarrassingly as I sat down. It was the only one in the room.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked quite consciously.

"What's there to tell?"

"Come on, you wouldn't even answer my messages."

"Oh, that. People had been texting me all day. I didn't notice yours."

"Have you thought about how I'd be if you're no longer around?" I asked sadly.

Kay gagged and and went back to her book. "You're just being sweet," she said with a bored tone. "Quit fooling."

"No, I'm not."

She had a nasty case of appendicitis made even worse by the adhesions of her intestines. She had to undergo a major operation and weeks to recuperate.

A delivery boy was knocking at the door as I was about to let myself out. He was holding a humongous bouquet. I felt something sneaky ran down my spine.

~~~

The school was on the brink of February that year. It felt like time passed too quickly. The feeling of being ignored by Kay was still new to me. It was still fresh in my mind and heart, and I can't even think straight because of it. The air was still cool and crisp like December and our breath still came in puffs. The following days became full of homework and library research for the midterms. But then Valentines Ball came and all were left and forgotten.

Kay had already been discharged. I found her on a bench one morning with a blank stare.

"You seem alone," I commented.

"I am." she said, with a 'as-a-matter-of-fact voice.

I sat down and tried to take her hand but she would not let me. "Are you okay now?"

She nodded and hugged herself.

"Are you gonna go to the party?"

"I don't know. Daryll asked me once," she answered, still not looking at me.

"I thought I asked you a long time ago..."

"I don't know, okay?" She flared. "I'm not sure of anything right now..."

I blanched.

~~~~~~

"Tough, huh?" Abby said sympathetically that lunch as I told her what happened earlier.

I sighed and chewed my food disinterestedly. She followed my gaze, saw who was sitting alone at a table and shook her head.

"Its like I can no longer read her now. I can no longer deal with it but sometimes I want to go on and see her. I must be losing my mind." I finished bleakly.

"Yeah, you are." Abby grunted then left her seat.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." I was about to chew my food when she came.

"It's okay," I said, "I deserve it, I guess."

She sat down quietly beside me and began eating her lunch. I was already done because I lost my appetite so I started to study.

I tried hard to figure out how calculus worked by turning it upside down and later on sideways but her nearness made me impossible to do anything.

"Thank you for taking the time to apologize." I told her and that was when the tears came.

I watched in utter helplessness as her tears fell.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say thinking of all the times I've annoyed her.

"He said he wanted another chance but he's still the same," she relayed.

"Who?"

But she wouldn't tell me.

I left the cafeteria to get my clothes ready for the ball. After preparing I went straight to the library to look for a book to help me with my calculus assignment. As I was about to enter, I saw Kay. She was still pale but even from the door I could recognize her.

She was peering through a book when I reached her side. It was late in the afternoon so the library was half empty. By this time the decorations in the gym was about to be finished and the sound system was being tested. I wanted to use the time to do some assignments but she was there.

"I thought you were at work." I opened.

Kay glanced up from her book, "I took a day off."

YES!!

I had the irresistible feeling that this wasn't the place for discussing something extra curricular so I said nothing after that. It was six-thirty when Kay prepared to leave; it was now or never.

"So, have you made up your mind?" I said as casually as I could.

"About what?"

"You know, the ball?"

"I haven't decided yet. I have no one to come with me."

"But I asked you already." I said.

"Come on, when was that, huh?" Her glare intimidated me. I tried to say something, but she cut me off. "What now?"

She stacked her books swiftly.

"Well, would you like to come with me?" I asked hopefully.

"You're still studying, go on with that."

I closed the book I've been trying to absorb for hours. "I'm finishing already."

"And I'm leaving," she said and with a swish of her skirt, she was gone.

I rushed my books to the librarian and ran all the way down the hall, the steps, and the lawns until I reached the patio, where I found her sitting impatiently.

"Hey," I wheezed, "you still haven't answered me." I could sense that she was getting incensed but I didn't care. I didn't care that I've bought us tickets or had her hospital bills reduced. All I wanted was her honesty, like a yes or no.

"I'm waiting for a classmate," she said fumbling with her phone.

There was another embarrassing pause. "Do you have tickets?" I broke in. "I have one in my room, wait here, okay?" I said then dashed off.

I came back promptly to the patio but she wasn't there.