Illusion

04 | Illusion

Wintry November gave way to an even colder December. And just like that, Christmas preparation was in full tilt. Prelims was forgotten and left behind.

A giant Christmas tree now stood between the forking paths, illuminating a good deal of the patio. It was festooned with so many trimmings it would take a dimwit to mistake it for anything else.

I came early for some reason so it wasn't her fault that was half-frozen when she found me at the patio, but I thawed when I saw her.

"What is it?" she asked apprehensively. I was holding a parcel to her.

Boys have some crazy idea for a surprise so I couldn't blame her for asking. 

"It's something for you, because you're everywhere." I said seriously, taking her hand and placing my gift on it. "Open it."

Our breath rose in a mist and Kay was silent. Then she untied the ribbons and a bottle of perfume fell on her hand.

"Just like the song. Oh Al, you're so corny sometimes," she remarked and I nodded mutely and she beamed.

Some believed that femininity was all modesty; in the way they conduct themselves. Some think it's in the way they dress up but for me, it's nothing you can touch.

And that evening there was something in the way she walked back to me that I knew I'd remember always.

She had this smile that seemed to have been solely for me and for the very moment. And as she came closer, time stopped all reality and we just stood there.

I was in the threshold that divided friendly attraction from the one true immortal feeling that grips a person's heart when the love of his life, the one who would make him whole, finally comes along. Yet I hesitated. I was afraid of the same thing that had happened to me when Kaiser confronted me weeks ago.

She came even closer. "Shall we go in now? You're freezing."

I inhaled deeply, taking in the scent  of the gift she took the time to wear. I smiled as she pocketed the bottle of perfume and turned to face me.

"Yes," I said finally.

Uncertainty settled at the pit of my stomach. I didn't know who we were to each other anymore. A barrier, strong and impenetrable seemed to be standing between us now. It was almost too intense to handle.

We sign our names on the attendance log sheet and it was where our paths divided.

"Why didn't you ask her to sit here?" Colin, a classmate of mine, asked, to my annoyance.

"She wanted to be with her friends," I said evenly.

"But you want to be with her, right?"

"Why do you think I'm fidgeting like this?" I replied glancing at a classmate who seemed to be flirting with her.

"Bummer, huh?"

"Do be honest, Al," said Abby as she rearranged her shawl. "I know that look."

"I bet you do."

"Why the sarcasm?"

"I'm just being true."

"Oh you're afraid," she diagnosed giving me her own version of a stare.

I squirmed. "I'm just afraid I'd be nothing more than a friend to her. She might not like it when I tell her and then it would be over. Perhaps I'd just fail her..."

"Longest speech I ever heard about fear." Abby remarked.

"I want to be with her but I don't think I have the right to feel this."

"Keeping something complex like the way you feel can kill you, you know. Besides, who makes better lovers than friends." Abby said in a 'as-a-matter-of-fact voice.'

It was then my turn to stare.

"Ugh, you don't have to look at me that way." Abby said with disgust.

"Are you sure you have no hidden desires for me? 'Cause the way I see it..." I said teasingly.

"You wish, I' m you're cousin remember?"

"You started it..." I grinned.

"Quit stalling and go tell her." Abby half pushed.

"What if she doesn't believe me?"

"She will, but only if she's worth it.

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It was the start of Christmas vacation; the school coaches were taking students to their towns and provinces.

" Listen," I said finally when she was about to board the bus. "I need to talk to you." She hesitated. "Please." I said.

"Alright, but only for a moment. My ride is about to leave in five."

We sat down, she waited.

"It's just that you're leaving now. I'm thinking..."

"Yes, and...?" She said impatiently which unnerved me.

"What about the two of us?" Damn, I'm blowing this.

"What do you mean?" She asked. It was an intense moment.

"Oh drat," I muttered and took her hand. "I love you..."

She gaped and then laughed something hysterically. "You're kidding. Listen," she picked up her luggage, "the bus is leaving and I wanna go home, understand?"

I sat in stunned silence, too surprised to respond. Shit!!

—————————————————————————————

The holiday vacation ended with slight rains. The school had the sick sense of humor of ending it by having a party. Actually, I'm guessing it was a ruse devised by the administrators so the school population could strut around with their Christmas presents before it smelled of mothballs. I made a mental note to ask my father about it.

I debated with myself that night whether I'd go the plaza or sulk the evening out. Although the school had a disco that same night the real party central was still downtown. I took out my phone, made a call and heard her end ring. I sent a message to ask if she was there but Kay wouldn't answer. I asked her friend instead. The prompt reply was yes. Kay and I had planned this date since November, actually.

The plaza was ablaze with lights that danced and changed with the rhythm when I arrived.

I surrendered my ticket and went inside where I spotted Anne and Kay immediately, standing off to one side. I went to them.

"Hi, did you get my message?"

"Yes," she said indifferently. It surprised me.

"You want a drink? "

Kay shook her head, still ignoring me. It really caught me off-guard.

A group of guys soon appeared. One of them gave her his drink and they all went to the exit.

"Kay," I called," are you going home now?"

"No," Annie replied. "Daryll invited us to his sister's debut."

I stood lifelessly and watched the drive off on scooters. "Take care then." I managed to say. I looked at my watched. Only thirty minutes had passed. I struggled leaving the venue.

"So early," Mang Rogel, the guard remarked. "How come?"

I fished my phone out my pocket, deleted her number then flung it to the nearest wall, where I watched it smashed with satisfaction. The guard was surprised of my actions but didn't question me.

"Bad night," I shrugged. "Good night, Mang Rogel."