(Complete) Nick has suffered sorrow and loss. He has relied on his family to help him survive. Can Nick ever find happiness and a love?
Sara has spent the better part of her twenties caring for the sickest people of the world. Realizing that her dre...
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Nick noticed Sara looked different some mornings, almost flush and her hair was in a ponytail. He muttered to himself because ponytails were supposed to be so easy, but not when he was doing Bridget's hair. Sara looked like she had been with her doctor friend with her pink cheeks and the glow in her eyes.
He thought of his brother-in-law's comment. Maybe he needed to get some so he could stop thinking about the physician assistant and her personal life. Her personal life was none of his business, except he liked her new look more than he should.
He had his own demons without thinking about Sara. It was the anniversary of Mel's death, and he was hardly coping. Tim made him take the actual day off, but the following day was the team meeting for Lily.
He could tell himself that it was just a day on the calendar, but his emotions ran amuck. His mind took over and recalled that day moment by moment. Any time he looked at the clock, he could remember what they had done from when Jack woke needing a bottle to their breakfast when Mel made the coffee while he toasted the bagels. They argued about who would clean the kitchen and would start the laundry. Mel had work to do, so he did both. Later they went to the mall to see Santa even though Bridget missed her nap. Nick used to be the stickler for naps, but in Mel's memory, he often suffered later. Mel hated to be tied down by the children's schedules.
He wanted to suffer the entire day, but it didn't surprise him when Julie appeared. He wished he could suffer alone. He wanted to spend the day clinging to his children, but that was unrealistic. Jack squirmed away when he squeezed him too hard.
"I'm fine." He lied as she examined him up and down. He hadn't showered or shaved, although shaving was optional even on good days. He was wearing very old and comfortable sweatpants, which he had pulled on over his boxers when he climbed out of bed at Bridget's insistence. He hoped that Jules couldn't tell that other than his two cups of coffee, he hadn't eaten anything.
"Of course, you are not. I can take my friends next door for a while." She didn't bother to pose it as a question.
"Alright, but not too long." Suddenly he didn't want to be alone.
When his father appeared, Nick knew it was a conspiracy.
"Nicky." John pulled him into an embrace.
"Dad, you didn't have to come."
"I think I did. You don't have to be alone, son."
"It's just a day on the calendar, right?" Nick tried to convince himself.
"You know I know that's not true. I love your mother, but it doesn't mean I don't remember my Alice. I still feel sad on certain days... the date she died, our wedding anniversary, her birthday. The years have taken the pain away, but I remember it."
"I can relive every moment. Tonight, I won't be able to stop it." Nick remembered the waiting for Mel to come home and then the phone call. The officer who responded to the accident was his patient, his wife and kids too. They lived in a small town, so none of the first responders had trouble identifying the victim or her next of kin.
"I know it's traumatic. I lived with my share of regret. I was a doctor and left her alone even though she was complaining of a painful headache, but she was prone to migraines. Timothy was in school, so I told her to rest. You know the story, I went to check on her at lunch and she was gone. For many years, I lived with guilt, because I should have considered an aneurysm. It never even crossed my mind. I left her to die alone."
"She passed in her sleep." Nick reassured the one who came to comfort him.
"Life can change in seconds. Your mother is the one with the faith, but after being her husband for forty-one years, I've learned that there's always a plan. Now Timothy and I have your Mum, Clare and you. Our family is God's plan. There is a plan for you too. I promise things will get better."
Nick always argued that he was horrible at marriage, but the thought of someone loving him was comforting. Maybe he could love again and not just for his children, but for him. He felt better after his father left and Julie brought his children home.
He said, "You orchestrated that well."
"See you're not as pathetic as you look. You're joking! I had hoped you would shower."
He gave her a big hug just because she teased him and she pretended that his smell was offensive.
"How were they?"
"Perfect. They always are. I brought you some lunch. You need to eat." She sat and forced him to eat. It was just like those first few weeks, two years ago.
As she left she kissed him on the cheek and he asked, "Sure you won't leave him for me?"
"You're too young for me, Nicky. You'll find someone to love you, the way I love Tim."
"Hey Jules, if you really feel bad for me. I need a shirt ironed for tomorrow."
She huffed, but she took one out of the laundry basket.
Their little tag team helped, but he stayed awake until after the time of the accident and tortured himself by reliving the anguish.
When morning came, he hit snooze and didn't want to get out of bed. He heard little footsteps and was about to have company.
"Urgh!"
Bridget always landed right on top of him when she jumped onto his bed. He rolled her over and tickled her. Her laughter was music worth waking up for.
"Alright up. We need breakfast, and we need to get out the door. Is Jack awake?"
"I dunno."
He found Jack awake in his crib and he had undressed including his diaper. Then he peed. Nick didn't have time to change his crib, but it would smell if he left it. He pulled all the wet bedding off and threw it in the wash with the pajamas that Jack had stripped off.
He dropped the kids at daycare, hoping that he had cleaned Jack up enough so he didn't smell. He didn't have time to put him in the bath even though he had been soaked in urine.
He made it to the office, later than usual even for him. He told Tim about Jack's new skill.
Tim said, "I'll call Jules and she can take care of things for you. She'll pick them up too, so you don't need to hurry back from Portland."
He threw himself into his work trying to forget his problems; his lack of sleep, his morning, his meeting later. The meeting he couldn't avoid and just before three, he left for the hospital.
He was at the meeting to listen and to support Christine and Gordon. He left feeling worse than he had the day before, when he had spent hours wallowing in his own grief. After quietly reassuring Lily's parents that they had his and Sara's support, he left and sat in his car and texted her to find out if she was still at work.
She responded quickly, that she was, and he typed, Wait for me.
He needed to tell her in person. He knew how awful it was to receive bad news by phone and was not about to do that to anyone, if he could avoid it. By the time he got back, everyone had left, except Sara.
