The Queen || ✔

Chapter 18: Queen's Reminisce

Claudia

Everything went blank. All the air dispersed away from me, all the light darkening. All that mattered at that moment was my mind, clenching tightly to sanity. All that mattered was my heart, trying everything in me to keep it from breaking down. Why I felt so guilty, I still didn't understand.

All the emotions scurrying around in me, trying their hardest to find their place, had me suffocating. I was losing my breath because I was scared, angry, sad, anxious, guilty and most importantly, I was relieved. I knew where they were.

My lovely mother Sarah, a well-known woman of God and an amazing person. She was very stern, and very straight forward, never hesitated to tell someone if she felt displeased about something, and always ready to protect me and my sisters. I had never seen her cry, she made sure of that. She wanted us to know that she was a strong woman, she didn't need to fight anyone to prove it, she just needed to look at you and you could see her dominance. She never fought with weapons, but with her intelligence and resilience.

Charles told me that I looked like her once, a year after we married, he told me that I had her long brown legs, heart-shaped face, her big chocolate eyes, her blinding white smile, her powerful presence and intoxicating scent. Just hearing her name come out of his mouth made me cringe, I watched him leer at me hungrily while I bleed my body dry that night.

I promised myself that night that I would avenge her. She wouldn't have liked the thought, probably would've lectured me about how the Lord would punish me for my sins, and then soothe me softly as I cried helplessly in her arms. She had this remarkable ability to go from having hard brown eyes that looked like dark oak after being furnished with the darkest oil, to having the warmest cocoa eyes, making me wish to jump into her chocolate tides and never come out.

She had the ability to go from having a steel, tough mom demeanour to becoming the softest and most harmless feather in the flock. She made me want to be the best mother to my kids, she taught me all that I taught my kids. Just the way she would've wanted it.

I chuckled at my memories of her, remembering only the good times I spent with her. Like the time she caught me putting make-up on my face. I was expecting her to be the tough ruthless mom, but she softened up like a fluffy pillow.

"Claudia. My baby, you don't need all of this nonsense. You look beautiful as you are. If any woman needs anything beyond herself to feel complete, she is basically insulting all the natural gifts given to her by the Almighty. Your brown skin, your black, puffy hair which always tangles after one night of sleep, your pretty white smile, your innocence and prideful posture. Wear all of those gifts with pride, my baby. If you feel a need to become more, remember one thing, the people you want to please don't even feel pleased with themselves when they look at their reflection. I don't want that for you. I want you to be able to look at your reflection and smile. Smile with so much pride, happiness and gratefulness. Don't be misled, my baby. Don't worry about what others have to say, as long as mommy still loves you. That's all that matters, ok?"

I chuckled to myself again, remembering how the next day, I asked one girl who wore a lot of make-up on if her mother still loved her. I was nine years old.

My older sister Charlene, I missed her gentle nature. Her soothing voice, and her graceful personality. She never raised her voice, she wasn't the type.

Whenever I had a fight with my mother, whenever we'd crash into each other, I ran to her and she took care of me. She wiped my tears and told me never to cry again, that it made her sad.