Totally Random Things

How to end a friendship

Losing a friend can be as hard as breaking up with a lover, but it's necessary from time to time when things just aren't working out. If your friendship is more toxic than beneficial, it might be time to pull the plug. Moving on may help you both lead fuller lives, especially if you and the other person have nothing in common anymore. Follow these steps to end your relationship gracefully.

Assessing the Friendship

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Think about why you fought. Maybe you had a recent fight that put your friendship on the rocks. Think deeply about whether your friendship is worth saving. Do you think your anger will subside, or is this really the end?[1] Ask yourself these questions to better understand your situation:

Was your disagreement a one-time occurrence or has been ongoing? If your disagreement has continued for some time, think realistically about whether it will eventually fizzle out.

Does the issue itself matter more to you than the friendship? Depending on the disagreement, your principles may or may not be more important to you than your friend.

Could you ever "agree to disagree" on this issue? If you can agree to reach a compromise, your friendship will likely survive. If not, you may need to end things.

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Decide whether you're growing apart. Sometimes friendships don't end with a fight, but with a fizzle. Has it been awhile since you felt like calling up your friend for a chat? Do you find yourself making excuses not to hang out? If so, ask yourself whether you or your friend could do anything to save the relationship, or whether you even want to.

How long have you known each other? It's important to weigh how much time you have already invested in the friendship against how much time you are willing to invest in the future. If you are very old friends, the friendship might be worth saving, even if it's not as fun as it used to be. Having someone in your life who has known you forever is valuable.

Do you still have fun together? Maybe you don't need to completely end the friendship, but just take as step or two back. Instead of pressuring yourselves to hang out once a week, try calling each other up less frequently. That way the time you do spend together will be more precious, and you won't get tired of each other's presence.

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Think about how your life will feel without your friend. Does it make you sad to imagine life without the person, or does it make you feel relieved? If you already know that you'll be happy to get rid of the drama, boredom, or other negative feelings that you associate with this person, ending it is a good idea. If you feel a twinge of sadness and aren't truly sure this is what you want to do, consider other options.

Think about what it would take to keep the friendship alive. Friendships can take as much time and effort as any other kind of relationship. If you choose to keep yours alive, you'll need to be willing to invest a lot of energy to do so.

How many mutual friends do you have? Consider your mutual friends' feelings toward your friendship and whether or not they will support its ending.

What activities you enjoy doing together? Ask yourself if you will still be easily able to pursue your favorite activities and interests once you decide to end your friendship.

Making the Break

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Consider letting the friendship naturally fade. This happens all the time. Friends go to different schools, move to different towns, or gravitate to different activities, and they naturally start hanging out with other people. This is the most painless way to end a friendship, and it works best when both people are equally ready to move on. To let a friendship fade, do the following: