Fervid Desire (Good Pleasure Series #2)

Kabanata 37

Kabanata 37

I know, I missed him so much. But I have to restrain myself to see him. This was just a part of forgetting the things happened to me— the things that even an deplorable cockroach doesn't deserve to have. This was just an arduous phase of moving on from everything I left in the Philippines. After that day, I caged myself in my room like a fugitive or more likely a wretched damsel that afraid of anything exists. It was so hard to just keep on breathing even though the person that keeps you alive was far away and there was a possibility that he was a perfidy.

I opened my eyes as the dimmed vicinity of my room welcomed my eyes. A faint light coming from outside illuminated the room, making it more dramatic and crepuscular at the same time. If I wasn't in some kind of chaos, I'd go out and try to have fun— as what a normal tourist or a new person that will stay in here for several years. But now, I was still lugubrious that I have to let myself drown into darkness of melancholy.

When I was a kid, I only dreamed to have the Family I always envy in the Television or to my friends. And this predicament? I don't know if I can be happy with this because I can descry the concern of my Family for me or be sad because the man I was in love with had betrayed me. I don't think he'll bother himself to search for me. He has Ritz, I said bitterly to myself as the acrid feeling sprouted within me.

What was he doing? Damn, I want to whack myself for being so stupid. Can you put out that idiocy of yours and pull your shit together? Why were you thinking of him when in the first place he was there, probably fucking someone. You are not a lost, I whispered as the bead of tears rolled from my eyes. Will I have a chance to be happy? To thwart these eyes to create a tears of forlorn. I was woebegone. I would probably look like a potato.

I fumbled on my phone. As I was doing it, the acidic pain slowly permeating through my body. I wavered if I'd do what I supposed to do but in the end, I opened the gallery and scanned our pictures. It was okay to feel the burning acid of woe lodged inside my chest. This will be the last time I cry for you, I said to myself and kissed his picture.

"Good bye," I croaked and my eyes let the river of tears flow drastically.

I opened my eyes one day with the light of the sun reined in the entire room. All the parts of my body were painful but I have to pass all my requirements. Next week, I'll be back in schooling again but from now on, it was really the course I wanted to take. I slowly rose and sat as I stared at the window.

The condo unit of my Father was simple, it wasn't like the unit I have in the Philippines. Though it was okay, I have my own kitchen and living area. The floor was matted with wood and the ceiling were homely. The walls were painted with plain white with few frames and one large canvas with abstract painting adorned at the midst of the wall. I think this was the place where my Father lived when he was still starting. So, he also studied here in Paris?

As a dagger of realization impaled my chest. There were still things I don't know about my Father, I said to myself and belched sadly. I combed my hair and even how tired my body was, I coerced myself to stand and make a coffee for myself. This was my first day in Paris so I should be happy! I will also visit IFA Paris where I enrolled for my schooling.

When I finally made my coffee, I took it on my hand and walked to the dining table. I put it carefully on the table and slumped myself on my chair. I folded my knees as I put it on the chair and hugged it. I took a one sip and suddenly the hotness of it sprouted in my throat.

A startling sound of my phone made me recoil. I heaved a sigh because I have to get out of my comfortable position to get my phone that was placed on my bedside table. I groaned in so much annoyance and waded to where my phone was. I grabbed it off and looked at the caller. It was Papa.