Falling Apart

Chapter 16

Yay, you guys can finally get an insight on Julianne's thoughts!

As promised, more frequent uploads now that it's summer!

Chapter 16

Julianne's Point of View

I winced, scenes from that night rushing back into my memory as Everly placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Julianne, wake up." Everly soothed, gently shaking me to snap me back into reality. "It's just a dream."

I heard Everly's voice, but I wasn't able to wake up from my nightmare. Images of a bruised and bloody Connor lying on the concrete of the dark alley kept replaying in my mind, haunting me. I watched myself in my dream as I crawled towards Connor, who was lifeless and dead because of me. I watched my twelve year old self cry helplessly, my tears dripping on the red stained shirt of Connor's.

"Shit," I heard Everly curse momentarily, "I'm sorry, Jules."

Suddenly, a shock of cold nerves ran through my body as I sat up straight. I was snapped out of my nightmare as my eyes opened to face a horrified and worried looking Everly. She had a pail in her hands and that was when I finally noticed that I was drenched in cold water, my blonde hair and shirt completely soaked. My trembling hands reached up to touch my cheeks, noticing that my tears had been blended in with the water Everly had thrown on me.

"Sorry about that Jules," Everly apologized profusely, "you just weren't waking up and I got so fucking scared because you started screaming and crying and nothing I did woke you up so I just-."

I wiped away my tears, shaking my head as I released a staggering breath of air. "Don't worry about it." I sighed, realizing how shit of a friend I was to have Everly come over so late at night every other day. "I should be the one apologizing."

Everly wrapped a warm towel over my shoulder, holding my protectively as I buried my face into the crook of her neck. "Don't be ridiculous, Julianne." She muttered. "You had a nightmare about Connor again?"

The tears welled up in my eyes again. I didn't have to answer Everly to let her know that I was dreaming about the night Connor died right before my eyes. "T-They shot him because of me." I cried, my hands clenching. "Connor died because he wanted to protect me from those guys."

"Stop blaming yourself, Julianne." Everly sighed, running a hand through my soaked hair. "It's not your fault; it never was."

"I should've let them take me and kill me!" I screamed, feeling rampage surge through my veins. "Why the fuck did Connor have to step in and get himself shot by those gang members? Why did I let them do those things to him? Why the fuck did it have to be Connor and not me?!"

"Julianne." Everly croaked, making me realize that I had made her cry, too. "Julianne, shut up. Your brother protected you because he loved you. God, Julianne, it wasn't you fault."

I wailed, feeling my insides breaking. "They killed him." I whispered repeatedly, my entire body trembling. "They all fucking killed him!"

I absolutely hated myself.

I hated that I was alive while my older brother was dead.

I hated with a fucking passion that Connor sacrificed himself in order to save me just because some stupid, perverted gang members wanted to take me that night.

*

"Hey, I'm sorry for calling you out on such a short notice." Ryan apologized the second I arrived in his family's café. "I just wanted to see if you were doing anything today or not."