Ursula's Beginning

34. Miserable, Lonely, and Depressed

The Squid Witch had to put Ursula in a coma-like state a few times in those early days, just to get a reprieve from her apprentice's endless meltdown. Those stretches were the most peace Siddikah and Triton enjoyed, for when Ursula was awake--though for the longest time he didn't understand it had anything to do with her--Triton found that his happiness and excitement would boomerang back into himself as anxiety and anger and sadness. He feared he was losing his mind and sought the counsel of the Nautili.

Meanwhile, in the Uncivilized Waters, Siddikah was experimenting with ways Ursula might deal with this phenomena. If Ursula used some of her protective magic to put a field around herself, she ended up feeling numb because she was blocking a part of herself from herself. If Siddikah administered mind-controlling amnesia targeted at knowledge of Triton, it resulted in Ursula forgetting large swaths of important personal history, such as why she was with Siddikah in the first place. They tried destroying the other severed tentacle, stored in Siddikah's casting room, just in case it was amplifying the effects of the other severed tentacle inside Triton. Nothing worked.

"I know this is going to sound crazy, but hear me out," Siddikah said after two weeks of experimentation. "It may be in your best interest to learn to be happy for him."

"What?!" Ursula snarled.

"The two of you are connected and we can't do much about that without blunting you in some way. Wouldn't it be better to make peace with the situation? Happiness is a good feeling and it should be enjoyed no matter where it's coming from. And don't forget, plum, he must be feeling your emotions too." Siddikah wrung her hands as she spoke in a rare display of discomfort.

"Oh, I hope he's feeling every ounce of it."

"Do you? Even though it means that if he's miserable, the misery will shoot back to you and make you doubly miserable? How deep do you want this downward spiral to go?"

"I'm used to suffering. I want him to suffer."

Siddikah clicked her tongue and studied Ursula's face. "Why should he suffer?" she asked softly.

Ursula stared at her in disbelief. "I really have to explain this to you? How he used me, then discarded me? How he's a coward? How quickly he's moving on, despite his promises to love me forever and never hurt me?"

"There's more than one way to tell this story, minnow."

"Oh? How would you tell it?"

"I can't tell you the story of your own love affair. But it's important that you come up with a version of events in which you loved someone worthy of your affection, and you weren't a fool for doing so."

Ursula glared at the Squid Witch. "No, I wasn't exactly a fool. But he wasn't worthy, either."

Siddikah sighed. "Alright, let's say for now he wasn't worthy. Isn't it better that one of you moves on anyway? What alternative is there, if you the two of you aren't going to be together?"

The water around Ursula began to shudder, as though it was close to boiling. "I don't know," she finally responded through clenched teeth. "I've been focusing on my studies so I won't be driven mad by that question."

"Perfect!" Siddikah cried. "Then let's resume! The answer will come in its own time. And I want you feeling mighty when it does. It would help if you ceased all spying on Triton. Don't worry about what he's doing, or what's causing his emotions. You can tell the difference between a feeling that's getting relayed back to you from Triton, and your own immediate feelings, no?"

"For the most part, I can," Ursula grumbled. Then she turned and swam off before the Squid Witch could make her promise not to spy.

***

Siddikah tried her best to occupy Ursula with interesting tasks. Ursula was invited to watch her cut deals with merfolk that would end up in the garden. She was permitted to make her first forays into mind control--the subjects were often the same anxious souls doing deals with the Squid Witch. Sometimes they needed a bit of persuading, right at the last minute. Ursula was good at these dazzling techniques, but got more of a thrill when Siddikah was able to smooth talk her way to agreement using no mind control at all. Words...one's voice...clever arguments...they were every bit as powerful as any magic, Ursula came to believe.

And all of this worked to keep Triton out of their conversations...for about a month.

Then Ursula began to detect nothing but anxiety rolling off of Triton, and it never came to her from Pacifica's way. Atlantica's king was no longer visiting the other kingdom. Ursula allowed herself to hope that his relationship with Athena Marielle was faltering and that he was dreading what had to be done. She transformed Flotsam and Jetsam into stingrays so they could loiter closer to the palace than usual, and sent them out to retrieve the details.

When Siddikah heard the screams of a maniac coming from Ursula's room late one night, she knew Ursula had received the news. King Triton was going to wed Athena Marielle DuPacifica, and the royal family was going to great lengths to ensure Ursula herself wouldn't show up and ruin the day. They had posted both guards and cecaelians well versed in magic along Atlantica's borders, just in case Ursula attempted to Transform and sneak in unrecognized. They were monitoring the movements of every creature coming and going from the kingdom; the eels had barely squeaked by in their false forms. Triton wasn't visiting his bride-to-be in Pacifica anymore because he was focused on making Atlantica safe for her.

Siddikah let her scream. She let her be. 

The next morning, she regretted that decision. Ursula emerged from her room with short, jagged locks. There were two black streaks of hair, starting at her temples, and the rest was shock white.

"Stop staring," Ursula muttered as she passed the Squid Witch. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy.

"Why did you do it?"

"He loved my hair. I couldn't bear to look at it anymore."

"We might be able to fix this."

"I don't want to fix it. As soon as I cut it, it turned white on its own. This marks my life after Triton. This is who I am now."

"If you are going to destroy yourself, I'm putting you back into the coma and keeping you that way."

"I'm not going to destroy myself," Ursula mumbled.

"Then what are you going to do?" Siddikah snapped.

Ursula lifted her chin. "I'm going to lay low. Complete my training. And then I'm going to take my rightful place as High Priestess of Atlantica."

The Squid Witch inhaled sharply. "If you do that, it needs to be for the right reasons."

Ursula turned away, then spoke over her shoulder. "I'm destined to be a great leader of the Tentacled Folk. And Triton and his bride will have to deal with me. I'm not going to disappear into the Uncivilized Waters forever, the way they might wish me to."

"Well, minnow, at least the first part makes sense."

Ursula smirked. "It's prophecy. Of course it makes sense."