December 5, 2018
Eliska's footsteps tapped lightly against the tile floor as she walked through the airport, heading towards the gate where the boys were landing.
She laced her fingers together, eyes roaming over the moving crowd. She'd been waiting for months, but a few more minutes seemed to stretch out in front her like an entire lifetime.
Four months, and the tour was finally over. Four months, and she was finally going to see Jonah again.
Eventually, in one of the lulls of people crossing in front of her vision, he appeared. His expression relaxed when he saw her.
She didn't run to him, didn't jump into his arms, she just stared at him. He walked towards her and when he was near enough, let go of his suitcases.
Then he was directly in front of her. She didn't want to cry, but emotion welled up in her throat as she looked up at him.
Slowly, she placed a hand on his arm, and he watched as the smallest of smiles spread across her face. Neither of them spoke. They didn't need to.
He gathered her up in his arms. She closed her eyes as her arms rested on his shoulders, around his neck. Four months.
He swayed a little bit before releasing his grip on her. He pressed a kiss to her cheek, and when he pulled away, he saw that her smile had reached her eyes.
"Hi," he said softly.
She laughed in response, a sputtery, emotional sound that escaped her mouth before she could stop it.
***
"We need to talk about it," Eliska said.
She and Jonah were facing each other, but she wasn't looking at him. Absentmindedly, she traced one of the patterns on the bedspread below her with her finger. They were in his room, having returned to the boys' house from the airport not long before.
"Okay," he said after a while. His voice sounded hollow.
She looked up at him then, meeting his familiar dark eyes. Somehow, that gave her the strength to continue.
"During those couple months... some days were good. I felt good about... well, about us."
Jonah swallowed, wary of where the conversation was headed.
"I was confident in our relationship, and when we would talk I'd feel like we were together. But...."
She paused, composing herself.
"Some days I was so discouraged. Thinking about being so far away from you, all the time, it was... I can't describe it. Empty. Dark, but not even... I don't know."
She wasn't looking at Jonah anymore, but his eyes never left her face, reading every expression and movement.
"Sometimes I was so miserable," she said, voice steadily losing volume. Then, suddenly, she threw her hands up in the air. "But that's so stupid! I don't want you to think that I don't support you, because I do! All I want is for you to do what you love, singing and performing. It's just that if I didn't feel empty over the past four months, I felt hatred. For myself, my emotions, my thoughts. I was so angry with myself."
Her words sped up, bleeding with passion.
"But it's not your fault, it was never your fault, I was just sitting here making excuses for myself while you were out doing what you love! Why couldn't I be strong enough for you? Why couldn't I just shut down my emotions while weren't together? Why couldn't I just be happy and wait patiently for the next time we'd see each other, and hold onto that moment?! I don't know, but every second that I was away from you sucked."
She stopped talking abruptly, eyes wide.
When she finally spoke again, it was slowly, tenderly.
"I hate being away from you, and calling isn't the same. FaceTime isn't the same."
And then, she was silent.
Jonah reached forward to grab hold of her hand.
"It's okay, El. You're fine," he said. He didn't want her to feel as if she had to apologize for sharing her feelings with him.
She nodded once in acknowledgement.
"Jo," she said, "all I can think about is the fact that in a couple days, we'll be right back where we were. Yes, we'll be in the same country again, but we'll still be apart. We'll still have to call and...."
She trailed off and then shook her head.
"But this isn't about me. I know our relationship is two-sided. It's not all about me and what I was feeling when we weren't together. That's not what I meant and I'm sorry if I made you feel like—"
"El," he interrupted, "look at me. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't say anything wrong. I understand."
That was all she needed to hear. She glanced at her lap.
During her spell of silence, Jonah noticed that the hair hanging around her face was much longer than it was when he left for tour. Of course, he could tell that it had been growing by FaceTime, but seeing it in person made the amount of time that had passed that much more of a reality.
"I'm going to be honest, Jo... some days I doubted we were going anywhere. I didn't know if we could get by with a few phone calls a week. I felt like... my life was on pause for four months. And I know, we can't just be side by side all the time, but it was... like I—we—couldn't move on until you got back."
She took a deep breath.
She had come to only one conclusion: she loved him. She loved him too much and she wasn't ready to call off their relationship because of the difficulties of distance.
"So. I don't know what's going to happen, but... Jo, I don't want to give this up."
Relief bloomed in Jonah's chest. Overcome with feelings for her, he moved closer, taking her face in his hands.
"Then we're not going to," he said firmly.
She searched for any signs of doubt in his eyes, but there were none.
He didn't know what was going to happen in their future either, but he knew one thing for sure: he wasn't ready to let her go.
