Hope Begins to Fade

Getting Medieval

I stared at the suitcase that lay open on the floor in front of the bookcase in my room. What the hell do you pack for a month in Europe? I felt like such a jetsetter and a little bit pretentious all at the same time just thinking that but it was true. We were going to Europe for a month. To my surprise we were even heading over a week before we needed to.

Lacey had somehow managed to convince Johnny that he wanted to spend a week at a castle in the south of France that Steph had once featured on her blog and Instagram. Johnny had managed to convince Matt, Brian, Zacky and Brooks that they too wanted to spend a week in the castle before their shows started. So if Matt wanted to go, I was going too. I didn't know many of the details but Steph had repeated on numerous occasions that it was a real castle, from the 10th century, something that I found difficult to comprehend, even though I'd studied the history of art and architecture at university, and that made Matt grumble good-naturedly that he hoped the place had working plumbing. Everyone was excited because we'd have the entire place to ourselves with no other guests. Cathy and Jeff were even coming out for the week.

The first I'd heard about the castle was, surprisingly, at Michelle's party. According to Steph, who filled me in, it had been booked for months. The party wasn't as bad as I thought that it would be. Barely. Everyone who'd been there that night at Matt's was still eyeing me warily and possibly even worse the parents - meaning Mel and Aaron, Matt's parents, Brian's parents and Michelle's parents – all looked like they wanted to hug tackle me every time I made eye contact with them. I'd managed to avoid awkward situations by running around organising food and drink for everyone while Michelle socialised. More than once I'd caught Matt watching me with a knowing look in his eye as if he knew exactly what I was doing.

Still staring at my suitcase I had no idea what to pack, I didn't know what to expect climate wise, so eventually I decided to just pack everything. It wasn't as if I had a lot of stuff anyway considering as how I'd packed for the high seas when I'd left home. Looking over my shoulder, to confirm that I was alone, I tucked Matt's flannel shirt and the t-shirt of his that I'd worn into the bottom of my suitcase. For some reason I was reluctant to give them back. I was convinced they still smelled of him although I have no idea of why I wanted a reminder. I saw Matt every day and shared a bed with him every night. I wondered how things were going to work once we got to the castle. There were eight bedrooms available, Matt would have one, Brian and Steph would have another, Johnny and Lacey another, then Zacky and Meaghan, Brooks and Kelly, Cathy and Jeff and a large room would sleep Brooks and Kelly's boys and any of the other children who wanted to bunk in when they weren't sharing with their parents. The final room would be left for me, of course, because no one knew that every night Matt and I curled up together to sleep. It was a bad habit but I didn't know if it would be possible for me to sleep without him next to me anymore. He certainly held my nightmares at bay and I liked to think I did the same for him. If I was going to have to sleep alone for a week, I'd need his clothes to curl up in at night.

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My jaw cracked in a yawn as we wound down a narrow road following a small river through a valley. We'd been driving for an hour and that was after having flown for nearly fifteen hours. Business class flights were comfortable but I still felt exhausted.

"Where the fuck is Johnny having us taken to?" Matt grouched. "I fucking swear if he's taking us into the woods to fuck with us he'll regret it for the rest of his life."

I couldn't help but laugh. We were driving in a convoy that included several mini-vans and a mini-bus. There were professional drivers in control of the vehicles who'd travel back to wherever it was they came from in the mini-van once we'd reached our destination. We also had a local escort who'd already collected the keys from the castle's owner and would travel back with the drivers. As I'd never really travelled before I had no idea of what was normal procedure but this seemed like something over and above what would normally happen. Matt and I and the Stallyns were in a van together whilst the others were spread out among the other vehicles.