Hope Begins to Fade

Trashed and Scattered

I was the bad guy? For a couple of minutes I just sat there in bewildered silence unable to do or say anything other than blink in confusion.

Of all the worst case scenarios I'd imagined when it came to a revelation of Matt's and my relationship this was not one that I'd imagined. I'd been working with endless permutations of the 'Matt and Caitie break up – Caitie's heart is broken – everyone says it serves her right for latching on to their heartbroken bestfriend/brother-in-law/brother/son/father in his time of need' or the 'Matt and Caitie break-up – Caitie's heart is broken – everyone pities her because Matt is so out of her league and she should have realised she was the human equivalent of an emotional Kleenex' scenarios. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that it was the 'Matt and Caitie breakup – Matt's heart is broken – everyone hates Caitie because she's a heartless wench who was just using poor emotionally vulnerable Matt' scenario that would play out.

How on earth had that happened? Matt was heartbroken?

As I sat and stewed in confusion I could feel my blood heating and my so-called redheaded temper rising. "Really? Matt's heartbroken is he? Why would you even think that?" I asked in an ice-cold voice.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Steph asked incredulously. "The guy's in love with you Caitlin, of course he's heartbroken! Have you gone crazy? I've never thought you were stupid but now I'm not so sure. I don't remember anyone dropping you on your head when you were a baby."

"No Steph, I'm not crazy nor am I fucking stupid!" I bit out furiously. "I don't understand what's going on here. Seriously, is something afoot at the Circle-K? Because I feel like I'm in some other dimension of time and space!" I stood up and began to pace. My queasy stomach and pounding head protested but it was better than staying put and punching Steph.

"Huh?" Steph asked brow furrowed.

"What I'm saying is, if he's so in love with me why the fuck has he never told me?" I gripped the back of the sofa and leaned in toward her. I'd just like to clarify that those were angry tears in my eyes not the tears of a heartbroken sap.

Understanding dawned in Steph's eyes. "Oh, shit."

"Oh shit indeed," I sniffed.

"But you love him right?" Steph stood up and making her way into the kitchen began to rummage through Henry's cupboards.

"Of course I bloody love him, you'd have to be blind, or stupid or have a heart of stone not to love him!" I flopped hopelessly into the space Steph had vacated on the sofa. My hangover just didn't have the energy for me to continue pacing like a caged animal.

Steph straightened up and cleared her throat, "Ahem."

"Sorry Steph, uh, Brian's amazing too," I said and Steph very kindly didn't call me out on my blatant lack of sincerity. She held up a couple of weird looking beakers and flasks and said, "Crap. I've seen this shit on Instagram. It's one of those hipster coffee maker thingies. Any idea of how the fucking thing works? You're hungover, I'm tired. I need a damn coffee!"

I gave her an apologetic look, "Tea's my thing. NASA gave me clearance to use Matt's coffee maker but for anything else you're on your own. Sorry."

"For the love of god," Steph huffed, "I am not equipped to deal with this without coffee. I thought this was going to be simple. Get in here, berate you into going back to the man who loves you, go for brunch. Boom. Done." She produced a jar of instant coffee that had her shuddering. "But noooooo, that's all too hard. Apparently Matt has been a dickhead." With a shout of triumph she produced a bottle of Kahlua and a carton of milk. "This'll have to do. Alcoholic iced-coffee for me, hair of the dog for you."