Summer Rain

23: I Almost...

Once again please play the song above. Thank you for your support and reads!

I sat in the bridal room getting ready for my big day. I never imagined that it would be inside a church like this. I took a shot of whiskey. This is killing me. I don't think I can get through this. I know I love this man, but not as much as I absolutely love my best friend. I wish I knew if he wanted to marry me. I remember the night, right before I left for college. He almost kissed me. He freaked out and pulled back.

I thought that was the tell tale sign that I only want to be your friend. I wasn't going to leave him behind if he absolutely wanted to marry me. He was the only one who could absolutely love me selflessly without a care in the world. We did the craziest things together. Junior year we went to prom together dressed in corresponding outfits. Senior prom was the same way. I remember dying his hair the crazy color we had came up with for our outfits. It didn't wash out for three months.

I smiled at the old memory popping up. My three girl friends had me stand to look at myself in the full length mirror. I looked like a princess out of a fairytale. I couldn't cry. My mascara would run and it would ruin everything else. I hated the dress. The bridesmaids' dresses were fine. I barely had any say in my dress. As long as I matched the groom, I was perfect. I took another shot knowing the effects were taking hold.

I was numb now from it. I didn't care. "Ready for the bride." Someone called out. I slipped into the heels I was going to wear. Then with last minute makeup touches I was sent out. Two of the people helping worked on the flare of my dress. I caught the feeling that I was being watched. I looked up catching Blake's gaze. He gave me a small smile. "You look beautiful Cammy." He said. "Thank you." I told him.

I want to tell him so badly how I feel. "Good luck. I'll possibly see you afterwards or after the honeymoon." He said. I gave him a light smile. "Same to you." I said. My chest ached for him to say something more. He turned and walked into the chapel. My heart hurt even worse now. I can't marry that guy at the alter.

He's not the one that I love with all my heart. The one I love is going into the chapel to watch me get married to someone I met two years ago. He's been right in front of me, treating me like a queen since middle school. Maybe before that. All those late night phone calls, the tubs of ice cream, the movie marathons, he's Mr. Right and this is wrong. I absolutely want to tell him how I feel now.

I walked down the isle clinging to my grandpa. He wasn't in a pew. I couldn't look back to try and find him. When I got up to the alter my husband to be shook my grandfather's hand before Grandpa hugged me. The groom took my hand in his. Then led me up. I sat listening to the whole lecture waiting to say I don't.

I couldn't do this. Not to my best friend. When the pastor asked if he took me as his lawfully wedded wife he said 'I Do.' When I was asked I was silent for a moment then let out the two words I've been keeping in since I got to the alter. "I don't." The crowd gasped as I turned going back down the isle. I caught Blake's shocked gaze.