The Silence Between Us

Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word

Chapter 22:

It was just me, Noah, and Alex for a while, the others were on their way. Alex and I lived closest to the hospital, so it made sense that we were here first. Noah was still hugging me. He was shaking in my arms as he sobbed. Every second that passed by smashed my heart to pieces. I hated knowing the guy right in front of me who was always so confident, strong, and dependable was now shattered and broken. I knew the feeling. I had been in the exact same place as him, in the very same hospital. The only difference was he had people supporting him. I didn't.

I had noticed after a while that Noah was just one of those guys who you could really rely on. He wasn't the most outspoken, he wasn't the boldest, but at least he was always there. He works hard, and once he has his mind set to completing a certain task, he would do it. Those traits, those things about him were what made Noah, well, Noah. And the person standing in front of me now had lost all of those things. He seemed to be just a shell of a person compared to what he once was. That's what happens when you lose someone as close to you as a parent.

That's what happened to me.

A flashback hit me in that moment, one of the worst ones I'd had in a while. It was one of the first sounds I heard without being able to see properly. I had just asked about where my dad was. The doctor responded to me that he was dead. Then I heard it, the sound of the gurney's wheels churning underneath the weight of whatever lied on top. I asked the doctor if that was him. He said yes. The realization that the body of my dead father was being wheeled down the hallway right next to me was too much to bear, and I broke down, unable to comprehend what was happening to me and my family. And that I was the one that caused it.

I clung onto Noah tighter, my nails digging into his back. At this point, I wasn't sure who was supporting who. I felt like I was going to collapse on the ground if I wasn't leaning against him and I had a feeling he felt the same way.

That was when Alex cleared his throat, and I stepped away from Noah, leaving a space for Alex to now hug him. I turned away, trying to mask the silent tears falling off my face. Why did everyone I cared about have to be broken like this? Alex was being abused at home and he had to shoulder the responsibility of caring for a younger brother that was now being taken away from him. Noah was losing a mother, the person he talked so little about but when he did speak of her I could tell just how much she meant to him. And me, I didn't even know where to start. Not to mention I knew so little about everyone else; were they suffering too and I just had no idea?

The others started showing up soon after that. They didn't take long. All of them were in a rush to get to the hospital like Alex and I were. The atmosphere in the room was tense; I could feel the concern of everyone in the room for Noah. Mae of course gave him a bone shattering hug right when she arrived, immediately followed by Finn. Clara, the last to get there since she lived so far from everyone also gave him a hug, which surprised me a little. She just didn't seem like a hugging person.

Maybe the reason why she did that was because it seemed like the only thing we could do; hug him. There were no words that we could say that would help. The worst of them all was I'm sorry. I got that a lot and every time someone said it to me, I wanted to retreat back to my room and sob. It just didn't feel right. I mean it wasn't their faults, so why apologize? Everyone here seemed to understand that words couldn't help, maybe that's why the room was filled with an eerie silence.

Noah seemed to calm down a little bit and be more at ease now that all of us were here. When Alex and I first reached him, I thought he was going to break in my arms. I thought that there was going to be nothing I could do to pick up the pieces and try to put him back together. I mean, if I was being completely honest with myself, I didn't exactly know him all too well. I didn't know how I could make him feel better or what I could do to lessen his suffering. That seemed like more of a job for the others. And now that we were all here, he wasn't the only one more at ease, but I was too.