"i'll tell them today. i promise. i won't run away from my problems anymore."
"jimin, if you're not ready, you don't have to," jongdae murmured soothingly, resting his hand on top of his boyfriend's. "i can wait a little longer."
jimin shook his head firmly, standing up abruptly. "it's better now than later."
jongdae sat upright, staring after jimin as he twiddled with his fingers. "do you want me to come with you?"
jimin leaned down and gave jongdae a quick peck on the cheek. "i'll be fine," he smiled softly and gave him a small wave before flipping up his hood and heading towards his house. his stomach was causing a turmoil as he walked; he couldn't help but stare at the sky, tripping over a couple of unseen rocks. he tried to think about how to tell his parents that he was gay, but unfortunately, he couldn't focus very well. what if they didn't accept him? what if they disowned him? after all, they were extremely strict and old-fashioned.
jimin took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and uncurling his fisted fingers. slowly, the door creaked open and he stepped into his house, where he spotted both of his parents sitting together at the dining room.
"ah, jimin, you're home early," jimin's father looked up from his newspaper, pushing his glasses higher against his face. "have you finally decided to spend some time with us?"
jimin pulled out a chair and sat down nervously, a couple of beads of sweat rolling down his forehead as he fiddled with his thumbs, staring down at his shoes. "actually," he murmured. "i have something to tell you."
jimin's mother rested her chin on her hand, humming in curiosity. "and what is that?"
jimin glanced nervously towards the stairs, where he spotted his sister's face peeking out from between the rails of the stairs. he rubbed his hands slowly; they were coated in a thin sheen of sweat. trying to keep himself from jittering, jimin took yet another deep breath before exhaling and staring straight into his parents eyes. "i'm gay."
jimin's parents initially didn't know how to react. eventually, jimin's mother let out a small gasp as she blinked rapidly. "no. that's not possible," she murmured, clearly horrified. "it must be a phase."
jimin bit his lip, his eyes clouding slightly. these were definitely not the reactions he was hoping to get. "it's not," he responded quietly, returning his gaze to the floor. "i have a boyfriend, too."
jimin watched quietly as his dad clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes. he suddenly stood up abruptly, slamming his fists down on the table, causing the coffee cups to wobble and spill. "we do not accept f*****s in this household," he pressed out through gritted teeth, quiet but deadly. "you are to break up with that boy immediately."
jimin curled his fingers once more, tears threatening to spill at any moment. "no," he murmured. "i love him, and you can't do anything to stop that. you can't change who I am."
jimin's dad hand shook in anger as he pointed abruptly towards jimin. "hell yes i can," his voice rose until he was yelling. jimin's mother nodded in mute agreement. "promise me that you'll break up with your so called boyfriend or else."
jimin flinched back at his dad's sudden outburst, scooted his chair away from his parents, and realized he couldn't hold his tears in longer. warm, wet tears streaked down his pale face, falling into his lap until his eyes were blurred and he could barely see anything. he was beyond terrified; his dad usually had a calm, quiet demeanor. jimin did not want to know what 'or else' meant, but he loved his first boyfriend too much to let go. "no," he repeated, crying out softly.
jimin's dad turned around, crossing his arms, shielding his red, irate face. "we don't care about f*****s. you are to earn your own money, buy your own necessities," he lashed out, screaming at this point. "and you'd better not tell anyone about this conversation, or... or..." he stuttered, wild rage shaking his face and body.
"okay, dad," jimin managed to mutter out, his pale fists curling and uncurling.
"don't you dare call me dad," jimin's father barked and raised a shaking, threatening fist. "you are no son to us."
absolutely petrified, jimin stood up as multiple sobs wracked his body; the stigma was unbearable. he didn't know what to do. he was so tired and distressed and angry and terrified and victimized and anxious and miserable and rejected and resentful and he didn't know what to do. stars danced under his eyes, blinding him. he felt as though shards of glass were raining down on him, impaling his tired, fragile body, but his parents' menacing stares and hostile words and slurs seemed to numb him.
in that moment, jimin felt nothing. The feeling when we have no emotions, yet we experience every single emotion at the same time. he didn't know what to do. in search of something - anything - to get him out of this situation, he glanced towards the staircase, where jimin had last seen his sister watching him. she had always supported jimin - why wouldn't she when jimin needed it the most?
she wasn't there.
